The Power of Creating Your Life

The New Year holds the power to energize a fresh creative path.   This is not an invitation to make resolutions since that is an act of creating through the ego.  All creations through the ego yield limited and unsatisfying results. Instead, I invite you to harness the energy of spirit as you experience the art of conscious creation in this auspicious 2011 year. 

Conscious Creation moves beyond the ego and the laws of attraction and brings your spirit's true essence to life while aligning with the supportive energies of non-physical reality.  Conscious creation will truly uplift, inspire and empower you. Here are some guidelines to assist you in the conscious creation process for 2011.

Consider yourself an artist.  Michelangelo claimed that he did not create his sculptures.  Instead, the sculpture revealed itself as he chipped away the marble. Our lives are not so different from this description of an artist allowing the marble to become what it is meant to be.  As the creative force behind your life, you have chosen a soul path prior to birth that you too can unveil.  You have power to discover your soul's wisdom, beauty and true essence and then bring through its passionate expressions into the material world.  You can create a remarkable masterpiece that is your life.  Sometimes its easier to consider multiple paintings or chapters of a book when you contemplate your creation process. You can also think of 2011 as one creative masterpiece that will fit into the whole of your life.  Knowing that you have the power of the non-physical and physical world to support your soul's expression, what does your soul long to experience throughout the 2011 year?  What will you create? 

Envision Your Canvass.  Get a pen and paper or print off this article to guide you. Take time to sit quietly, close your eyes and breathe deeply while sitting upright and comfortably in a place where you will not be interrupted.  Play soothing music or sit in silence.  Breathing in and out, elongate your exhale.  Feel into your body.  As you do this, call light to yourself and allow that light to saturate every cell of your body.  Feel the light filling your being and then intentionally expand the light outward until you are basking in a sphere of pure light.  Feel the essence of your soul as you breathe deeply into your abdomen and slowly exhale. Your soul has a purpose for being YOU in this lifetime. Your soul communicates through intuition.  It gives your consistent messages, visions and insights about what would be most fulfilling to you.  As you bask into the calm of your own true essence, become willing to see an authentic vision of your life one year from now.  Breathing deeply, let go of where you think you should be or what you must do.  Simply allow an image to emerge from your soul into your inner eye.  What would your soul most like to create through you for 2011?  As you allow your mind to open to the possibilities of seeing your soul's creations one year from now, what do you see?  Allow a detailed scene to emerge into your consciousness.  Let the canvass reveal itself as you look upon where you are and what you are experiencing one year from now. Your soul is eager to create this reality and is showing you an image of what you are capable of manifesting. Observe the scene. What are you doing?  What do you feel?  Who is with you?  What does the scene represent to you?  You are the creative power behind your life and you get to decide what will be in the scene of this canvass. 

Tweak the Canvass.  As you review your soul's canvass of 2011, is it everything you hoped for?  You’re the artist of your life.  You have the power to bring more color, beauty, richness into your experience.  All of that energy exists within your soul. Willpower will not manifest the results that uplift, inspire and evolve you but allowing your spirit to reveal its joyful creations will.  Breathing deeply, allow your spirit to adjust the images of your scene until you feel your heart fully open, flowing with love and appreciation.  An open heart while reviewing your 2011 scene reveals its alignment with your soul. Tightness in your chest or stomach tells you the ego is filtering the image.  Breathe and let your soul's essence create the scene and refine it until you feel peaceful and open hearted. You have the power to tweak the scene until it is a masterpiece that is felt within your heart and whole being.
 
Discover and Claim the Essence.  To create a masterpiece, you have to decide what to paint and then use the right canvass, paints, tools and setting to allow the artwork to unfold through you.  It is the same process for conscious creation.  First you allow your spirit to reveal your authentic passions and then you allow that essence into your physical experience daily.  You have to use the tools of conscious creation and do so consistently.  Envision the image of what you have created one year from now.  What is the essence of your masterpiece in 2011? Let a word or phrase rise into your consciousness that captures the underlying energy of your creation. Over the years, I have created a few masterpieces through the art of conscious creation.  Some of these are called:  “Breaking Free”; “A Victory Dance”: “The Art of Play”, "Serving in the Light" and “Blissfest”.  When I was not consciously creating my life, some of my art pieces would be entitled "S@#t Happens"; "Committed to Suffering"; "Addictions in all Forms"; "Soul Loss" and "Dancing in the Dark".  Get the picture?  Perhaps your creation’s essence is “Prosperity with Passion”; “Self Discovery”, “Having Fun”; “Intentional Healing”; “Letting Love Flow”; "Commitment to Soul".   Let the images of your creation reveal the word or phrase that captures its essence.  

Embody the Power.  To embody is to exemplify in a concrete manner. Reviewing the essence word or phrase representing your new creation for 2011, how did embracing and embodying that essence create a new you?  How do you embody this essence now?  How do you resist it?  What can you do today to allow more of this essence into your life?  Bringing the power of any essence to life is a conscious act of allowing it into this moment.  One doesn’t wait for fun to arrive before expressing the joy one wants to create.  To create the masterpiece called “Blissfest” one has to access bliss which resides in the infinite well of one’s true essence first.  That essence is then felt, appreciated and then expanded into physical actions that reflect its presence within us.  By doing that, physical reality will begin to reflect more and more bliss. When I was creating my masterpiece of unconscious creation called "committed to suffering",  I could not imagine a life called "Blissfest".  To expand into blissful living, I had to feel joy in the smallest doses by allowing it into my experience one breath at a time for quite awhile before I could expand into feeling chains of moments that were blissful.  It was my guiding spirits who helped me recognize nothing outside me was changing but my willingness to tap into a small measure of bliss could change everything I experienced.  I smelled a lilac and appreciated that moment.  I saw a butterfly and appreciated that one.  I had running water in my home and began to feel that joy.  Those small experiences allowed me to open my heart one moment, one experience at a time until one by one, the strokes of my canvass became filled with bliss!
 
When you consider embodying the powerful essence of your creation, what does that essence give to you? How does the expression of this essence serve your highest good?  Is it teaching you something? How does the expression of this essence serve others and life in general? What does it allow you to experience that you are have not yet created before 2011? 

Walking the Journey.   To experience anything in the earth plane, you have to walk your canvass into physical reality. I can meditate every morning but the experience of meditation will not live in the physical world unless I bring its benefits into this wakeful moment.  I have to walk my meditation into reality, just like everything I am willing to experience. Discovering the essence and embodying the power of that energy translates into words, thoughts, feelings, and actions.  It requires a whole new energy that emerges from within your immutable soul. That energy is always there but may not being experienced.  Like when I was suffering, I had allowed trauma to shut me down so significantly that I could feel almost nothing but emotional anguish. I kept praying for a miracle.  When my guides appeared one day and told me to get up and become the miracle, I was not thrilled with that response from the divine.  Couldn't the divine just make it all happen for me?  For any experience to happen in the physical world, we have to be the conduit.  This requires consistent willingness and faith in the non-physical energy of spirit to create whatever you are willing to allow through you.  

Visualize your canvass for 2011.  See your creations clearly in your mind or feel the sensations associated with them. What did you do when adversity arose throughout your year?  In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy has to find her own way home.  She has tremendous support along the way and also meets with her darkest fears that detour and even trap her in the witch’s castle until she unleashes her courage and dissolves the illusion of the witch’s power.  Look upon your creative image representing your 2011 masterpiece.  It took courage to move into a new experience.  How did you bring forth courage, compassion, willingness and tenacity throughout your creative process?  Who supported you?  What did you discover about yourself and life as you walked the journey of your creation?  

Anchor Your Creative Vision.   As you sit quietly ask your spirit to reveal a symbol representing your creation for 2011.  Some ways to anchor your creative vision: 1) Make a collage of images (a vision board) that support your creation for the year.  Place the vision board in a place of importance within your home and allow the images to serve as creative inspiration for your daily choices.  2)  Write a story about your creative process as though you have already created everything your soul longs to experience in 2011.  Write the emotional truth of the story; giving it life through details and clear imagery. 3) Place images or symbols that represent the fulfillment of your creation in 2011 in significant places throughout your home or office.  4) Journey or meditate to seek guidance about your creative process; to discover the power guides willing to support your creation and the steps needed to facilitate your mastery.  5) Act “as if” you’ve done it already by first allowing the sensations that currently exist within your immutable infinite essence.  Bringing these sensations into your body, emotions, mind and spirit will help your words and actions reflect this energy.  This is not “faking it”rather this is an act of deliberately allowing the sensations to lead your acts until they feel natural to you

Practice allowing.  To create anything in the physical world is an artful dance between structured command of the energy of life and letting go.  Set your intention to allow your vision into your reality; embrace the essence behind that creation and then fully embody the energy. And then release your attachment to how the details will manifest. When a client comes to me for a reading or soul retrieval, my job is to stand as a hollow bone or clear channel for the divine to move through me without interference from my ego.  I set the intention, embrace the essence of the divine spirit moving through me and allow that energy to flow into conscious messages that I then communicate or act upon in a session.  I do not tell spirit what to do or how to do it; I  only command the intention of the session to serve the highest good for my client and all concerned.  I then surrender and allow that energy to do what it needs to do in response to that intention.  To consciously create is to set your intention and then become the hollow bone through which your spirit and divine energies of the universe can work on your behalf.   Your spirit will guide you through intuitive impulses, insights and direct guidance when you allow it to do so.  You will also receive non-physical and physical helpers throughout your creative journey when you are open to this kind of help.  Spirit cannot do for you what you will not allow through you, but if you are willing to grow and expand into whatever you are intending to create, you will be supported by divine helpers throughout your journey.  Do not judge the form of a spiritual or non-spiritual helper.  Remember, they may look like a “scarecrow, tin man, lion or witch” but each will hold the power to open you to the depths of your own creative wisdom if you are willing to grow through the journey.  When things seem not to be flowing, recognize that spirit is attempting to show you where you resist the miracle you seek to experience.  It is helping you to open to a whole new dimension of your exquisite creative soul power.
 
Appreciate the process.  Appreciation is the nectar that fuels creation.  What you appreciate will expand exponentially.  This means your heart chakra is open and experiencing the blessing of whatever is present.  Every painted masterpiece began with a single stroke. Set your intention, engage the tools for creation and appreciate the process of your creative path.  As you open your heart to the magnificence of your spirit’s power, you will discover that every moment of your creative process is worthy of your appreciation – not just the end result.
 
2011 is an auspicious time to be alive.  We are shifting into higher creative frequencies. Enjoy the opportunity to create your life consciously by engaging in the artwork with passion, willingness and appreciation! 
 
I am seeing you creating a remarkable journey in 2011 and beyond! Enjoy the process, trust in your power to create your soul's essence into form and appreciate the love and grace of your conscious creation process!

Namaste, Lori

Conscious Closure of 2010

As the year is coming to a close we can embrace a significant opportunity to consciously reflect upon life.  We can connect with the meaning of our past year and bring closure to this creative cycle.   Here are some tips for intentionally connecting to the purpose of your year and moving into the New Year with conscious grace. 

·   Set aside quiet time to reflect on 2010 over the next few days.   Give yourself 15 – 30 minutes each day to quietly connect with the process of creating closure.  Turn off the phones and schedule time that will be uninterrupted.  Get a journal or note paper to record your process.  Play soothing music.  Light a candle and/or incense to set the intention for that time.  

·   Step 1: Consider what you experienced in 2010.  As you sit in your quiet space consider the year as if it were a film you have just seen.  Don’t evaluate the value of the movie, the leading character (you) or other players.  Breathe deeply and observe the movie of this past year as if you were a neutral observer in the audience. What is the movie about?  Who are the major players?  What are the primary themes of this movie?  What was the dramatic arc of the film? What did the characters accomplish, struggle through and learn?  You may want to write out the story or simply observe it through your meditations.  If emotions arise, let them come as you breathe through them without judging anything you feel.  See if you can witness the story without attaching to the players or outcomes.  Simply observe. 

·   Step 2: Isolate the themes.  Sitting quietly in your uninterrupted space, reflect on the themes for your year.    What are the big ideas running throughout 2010?  Was 2010 about family, change, money, health?  What were the primary messages showing up throughout the year?  Where did your energy tend to go?  How do these themes relate to each character within your 2010 storyline?  What did you, as the main character of your story, learn this year?  What did you resist?  Are you willing to expand through whatever you resisted?  Are you embracing what was learned?  What did you gain from this year?  What did you offer to the world this year? After you have isolated the themes, give yourself time to reflect on these.  

·   Step 3: Name your Story.   Sit quietly in your space and breathe deeply.  2010 provided great opportunities for your soul to expand. What was the primary theme or message of 2010?  What does the story of your 2010 life-journey want to be called?  Give your story a name. Do the characters, including you have names too?  Perhaps there are chapters in your story that deserve headings as well. 

·   Step 4: Appreciate. Sit quietly in your uninterrupted space and breathe deeply into your body.  Call light to yourself and allow the light to settle into every aspect of your being.  Feel the essence of light expanding into your cells, flourishing throughout your body, emotions, mind, and spirit.  Expand the light and allow it to enfold you until you are basking in a sphere of light.  As you bask in this light, settle into a deep appreciation for you, your journey and all it has given to you.  Become aware of all the help you have received in the physical and from the non-physical world.   Spend time experiencing the sense of gratitude for what you have created in 2010, how it has helped you to grow and to contribute into the world. Appreciate YOU and all that you have experienced and learned through; all that you have shared with the world and all that you are. Everything that you experience in this physical world is designed to uplift, enrich, empower and evolve you.

·   Step 5: Going Forward.   As you sit quietly, breathing deeply into your body, consider the gifts you have received from your journey in 2010.  There may be places that you do not appreciate, enjoy or experience value.  Offer compassion to where you resist.  You may have observed patterns that no longer serve you and you may choose to let these go. Write on a piece of paper where you do not appreciate and where you may resist; write where you want to release.  Then set the intention to allow a higher perspective into your consciousness and the gifts from these experiences to arise throughout your awareness.  As an act of acknowledgment, you may want throw the pieces of paper into a safe fire, as you affirm your willingness to release, open and expand into a new horizon. What you release opens you to new experiences.  What are you taking with you into 2011 from your lessons learned in 2010?  What power are you integrating into your new way of speaking, thinking, feeling and acting?  What are you creating in 2011?

·   Step 6: Creating 2011. You are the creative force behind your life story.  What will you create in 2011?  Take time to peacefully contemplate what you want to experience in this coming year.  As you breathe deeply into your body, imagine yourself doing this very same conscious closure process at the end of next year.  What do you want the2011 story to be about?  What will you have learned and shared with the world?  How will you feel at the end of next year?  What do you appreciate at the end of next year?  You can write the plot for 2011 and give meaning to this story now.  Make a conscious effort to intend, allow and appreciate your life.  As you set the intention, you then allow your spirit to lead the way through this journey by practicing sitting in uninterrupted space daily, breathing deeply and intentionally connecting with your soul.  As you do this, feel into your true essence and allow that light to expand intentionally into your physical life.  Notice your creative journey unfolding through you consciously and appreciate how you are allowing your true essence to flourish into the creations of your new year. As you do this, you will consciously create a meaningful and spirit centered 2011.

May you experience the bliss of your divine self now.  May all beings experience the bliss of divinity in every possible way.  May all life on earth create and know peace.   

I am seeing you experiencing a peaceful closure to 2010 and a blissful creative journey in 2011.  Thank you for all the ways you have nourished my life.  Thank you for consciously creating yours.  Namaste.

The Medium on The Housewives of Beverly Hills

December 19, 2010

So I just found myself watching a television show that has truly left me stunned.  After spending the day teaching a Level 2 Intuitive Empowerment class where we focused on accessing mediumship abilities and connecting with loved ones in spirit, i noticed that Alison Dubois was going to be on television tonight.  Alison is an internationally renowned medium and the premise for the television series "Medium".  In her television show, Alison focuses heavily on the ethics of her work.  Today's class I too focused on the ethical responsibility of shamanic mediumship while guiding students through meaningful connections with spirit.  It was a profoundly fulfilling day.

Apparently the show is a reality based series called "The Housewives of Beverly Hills".  Don't tune me out yet! I can barely believe I watched it either!  I watched because I wanted to see Alison!! Well, I have to say I was disheartened. First, Alison was drinking heavily while being filmed and while under the influence of alcohol, she shared psychic "hits" with the party guests  who did not know her/  She was a guest, not there for entertainment.  Alison claimed to be able to see "when the party guests were going to die", laughing that one of the guests was "married for a second time but that the marriage would end up badly soon", calling individual guests "bitches" and "morally bankrupt".  She claimed to be "off the clock" and yet raved about her own "gifts" and how others should be fascinated by her as a result of her abilities.  She instigated arguments and told a stay-at-home mother that she "has done nothing of value with her life". 

I do not know what was happening for Alison Dubios at the time of this filming.  I can only comment on what I witnessed.  And let me begin by saying this....

Mediumship is not for entertainment. It is not meant for casual conversation.  As I understand it, a divine messenger will never be given hits that are judgmental about another.  Judgment is a filter of the ego; not a message from the divine.  Nor will a medium be given offensive language to describe another.  It will be neutral and factual but not offensive.  If that medium is truly plugged into a divine source, he or she will see the whole truth of the individual. An example I can give to you about this very subject is when I sat for a client and saw that her husband was engaged in something very harmful.  The divine guides sharing this insight with me had no judgment of him instead, they provided specific guidance to 1) awaken the client from her denial; 2) support the truth and safety of the children, 3) stop the offense and hold him accountable.  The entire message served to bring healing to all concerned. 

When a medium is plugged into the divine channels and spirit, compassion will emanate from that messenger. At the very least, you will experience the messages as neutral but fundamentally empowering to the client at a soul level. 

Alcohol deteriorates the energy field of the user.  It diffuses the messages, no matter what the messenger claims.  She happens to claim it makes her more "spot on".   The concern is not with her drinking. To engage in offering "psychic hits" while under the influence of alcohol and while voluntarily being filmed is not just irresponsible, it creates suffering.  Liken it to a doctor giving his/her medical opinion to a friend after having 3 cocktails. Would you consider that to be a worthwhile consult?  I do not care if Alison wasn't "on the clock" as professional medium, ethical boundaries do not just pertain to when you are "working".  

Psychic Boundaries are the responsibility of the professional, not the recipient. The guests at this party were completely infatuated and curious with Alison's abilities.  This is understandable because even though every human is innately intuitive and capable of connecting with spirit, we have a tendency to believe that this is a gift given only to a few. The party guests were pressing her for insights and because she'd had some cocktails, was therefore very relaxed and  overtly  infatuated with her own abilities, she did not have the good sense to say "I am at a party, enjoying a cocktail and need to refrain from any psychic activity for now". The guests did not understand the boundary was hers to establish and hold.

There is a divine purpose to mediumship encounters. Today in class I shared how my guides had encouraged me to teach the value of mediumship from a shamanic point of view.  According to my divine helping spirit shamanic mediumship is meant to: 

1. Awaken the individuals participating in the encounter. 
2. Bring closure, meaning and healing to all concerned
3. Uplift, inspire and even empower the client and all concerned.
4. bring through validations that souls are eternal and life is in a continuous evolutionary process
5. Provide connections that reassure the living that we are never alone;
6. Remind us all that we are all loved - even those who seem 'morally bankrupt" (Alison's language) because divine spirits are consistently aiding us into a higher state of consciousness and living!  
7. Remind everyone that mediumship is never for the sake of entertainment or casual conversation; it is always purposeful and it is never meant to dis-empower anyone.
8. And it will never promote the power or gifted skills of the medium over anyone. 

Witnessing a professional medium on television handle herself in such an insensitive and in my opinion, an unethical manner was disheartening.  I know Alison Dubois is talented. I've been a fan of her show mostly because it helped me to feel less alone in this world when it first aired.  It was the only television show that validated the experiences I had lived through as a medium.  But talent and responsible ethics are not the same thing.  Because we shamanic practitioners and mediums stand on the fringe of cultural acceptance, we each have a responsibility to clearly offer our services in alignment with their divine purpose.  As humans, naturally we will waver.  But it is my hope, that when we do, we openly reflect on our missteps and share the lessons we may be learning as a result of our derailment. 

What you do think about mediumship and its purpose? Did you catch the episode?  I have to admit I felt like a gawker watching a bad accident.  I just couldn't believe my eyes and yet I watched the whole thing to its intensely uncomfortable conclusion.  Whether or not you saw the show, I'd like to hear your thoughts about mediumship.    

(Shaman means an individual who is capable of accessing and understanding the world of spirit at will while living soundly in the material world.  A Shaman navigates both the non-ordinary realities of non-duality and ordinary reality at will. Shamans are innate healers. Shaman is a word originating from the Turko-Mongol and Tungusic cultures in Siberia.  It is not a Native American word)

The Five Stages of Grief

What is Grief?

Grief is a multifaceted response to any significant loss.  It is usually experienced through our emotions but it does impact our whole being including our body, our cognitive functioning and our behaviors. Grief can effect our interpersonal connections.  While grieving, we may find ourselves questioning our beliefs about life, spirit and God.  All of these experiences are a natural response to significant loss. 

Grieving is a process through which one adjusts to loss. It can be in response to the death of a loved one, ending of a relationship, loss of a job or other significant life situation.   

Time does not heal grief.  Our attentiveness to our grieving process is how we heal. 

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was a pioneer in understanding the grieving process  She identified that most people pass through five stages of grief. Though the grieving stages are universal, we all have unique contexts of life through which we respond to loss.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve; nor an appropriate time-line associated with grieving.  Grief and depression are not the same thing.  Depression is one of the stages of grief, but it is a fluid stage.  If one remains at this or any stage of grief in ways that halt the grieving process, it is important to reach out for qualified support.

When an individual dies, that spirit is helped through the transition from physical life into afterlife. All people who die are nurtured through the transition into spirit by the spirit world. It is equally important to allow ourselves who are grieving the death of a loved one or loss of any major life situation to receive multifaceted support throughout our transition of acceptance.

What are the 5 Stages of Grief?

Today's blog focuses on the grieving process for those living in the physical world, adjusting to loss.  The next blog will explore how these five stages are experienced in afterlife. Even those who pass into afterlife, transition through these stages as they too come to terms with no longer being physically alive.

Denial - Denial is a defense used to minimize the emotional impact of loss. Sometimes it is a cognitive effect and other times denial saturates our emotions and we shut down or become numb.  Some of us adopt a "stiff upper lip" and go right into action preparing the funeral or taking care of others. If we are processing the ending of a marriage or loving relationship, we may indulge in affairs or push ourselves out into the dating pool quickly to avoid the feelings of loss.  We may jump into a job search or keep ourselves busy to avoid the pain of loss. When death comes suddenly, denial is one way to absorb the information.  When death or loss are expected, denial surfaces because we believe we should not feel the pain of loss or cannot process the emotions associated with the loss. 

Denial is usually a temporary state as the emotions will eventually surface and the realization of loss will become conscious. Denial can last for moments, days or years. We can facilitate this stage of loss through our willingness to be present to whatever we are feeling in any given moment. It is important to know that we may feel a deep sense of loss even when death or loss was expected.

Some phrases that indicate an individual is in denial are: "Its for the best"; "I am OK"; "She's in a better place"; "As long as I keep busy..."; "That company/job/lover/friend was no good/a loser/bad news"; "There's other fish in the sea"; "Time will heal this"; "I'd better start dating"; "I shouldn't feel badly because I knew this was coming".  When I learned of my father's sudden death, I shouted "No, no, no, no, no..." and waved my hands at the individual who broke the news to me for several moments before I finally let the news into my consciousness and began to cry. 

Anger - Anger is a natural human emotion and a healthy function of the grieving process. Many of us feel uncomfortable with anger but it is a healthy response to an imbalance or perceived loss of power.  When fully processed, anger can move us from feelings of helplessness and abandonment into functional action. Anger will inevitably surface and we are meant to be with this part of our grieving journey attentively, without judging ourselves. 

We may feel completely powerless, abandoned by our loved ones during our grief.  We may find ourselves blaming others including God and the deceased. Often feelings of resentment, envy or jealousy appear during this stage. As we learn to breathe deeply through these emotions of anger, it will inform us so that we can tend to this stage of grief without trying to fix it, minimize it or become stuck within its hold. After my father died I wondered "why would God take someone so kind, generous and loving so early?" 

Common thoughts during this stage of grief are: "Why me??"; "Why him/her?"; "How can this happen?"; "Who is to blame?"; "Why didn't God answer our prayers? or Protect him/her?"

Bargaining - In this stage of grief, the bereaved person may begin questioning what could have been done differently.  This is an equally important stage of our grieving as we are coming to terms with life changing from what we have known it to be. During this stage the individual may feel overly responsible for the loss. This is a significant stage through which an individual reflects upon his/her role in what has happened. If the feelings of responsibility toward the deceased or life change are not resolved, the person may remain angry and guilty which prevents the full transition into acceptance.  Sometimes it is in this stage of grief that an individual clings to the spirit of the deceased, hoping he/she will remain close by in afterlife.  I recall asking God to bring back my dad.  I remember waking up and hoping I had dreamed the whole thing. These are all facets of the bargaining stage of grief. 
 
Each stage of grief allows us to transition from experiencing life in one way to experiencing it in a whole new way.  At any point in the process an individual can get stuck or can allow the emotional responses to be fully integrated.

Common thoughts at this stage of grief are: "If I could just feel him/her; see him/her"; "If I could just hold onto him/her I won't have to let go and feel what life is like without that individual"; "Please bring him/her back"; "Please show up in my dreams"; "please don't let this be real".

Depression - Depression is a stage of grief.  Depression and grief are not the same but they can mimic one another for a period of time.  During this stage of grieving, there is deep void and often a sense of hopelessness.  This is the stage when the grieving individual may withdraw from others.  This is a functional choice during the grieving process, as it can be a deeply contemplative stage. This stage of grief should not be minimized nor should support people try to cheer up the grieving or "get them out" or "keep them busy".  Feeling the void is a facet of coming to terms with the loss of what was once there. When we attend to this aspect of our emotional response without judgment, it is a fluid experience.  We may touch feelings of despair, not wish to speak with anyone, but if we breathe into these feelings, we will experience our ability to be present with the depths of despair while simultaneously witnessing, and healing our grief.  Feeling these emotions moves us through our healing journey. 

Support can be helpful, especially when despair and lack of self-care are sustained.  It is not helpful to encourage someone to "get past it" or "take their mind off of it".  Distraction does not promote healing. We do not need to fear deep emotions.  We will not die from intense feelings or be overrun by them. We are capable of extremely profound anguish and healing. 

Grief support creates a safe haven for individuals to move non-judgmentally through the phases of grief into acceptance and integration. My father died 2 months after the birth of my daughter, his first grandchild. There was a period of time when life seemed empty without him.  I used to speak with him on the phone every day.  We both loved to laugh and used to spontaneously call one another to share the latest great joke we had heard.  I felt the depth of that irreplaceable void for some time.  Though I had the beauty of my new child in my life, that did not replace the loss of my father.  I had to feel life without his physical presence and slowly, gently come to terms with a new life without him in it. 

Common thoughts associated with depression stage of grief are "Life has lost its meaning"; "why should I go on?"; "I wish I could join him/her?"; "I don't care about anyone/anything else".

Acceptance - During this stage of grief, the bereaved moves into an awareness that death is an inevitable aspect of life and that life is going to continue to thrive in a whole new way.  We may expand into states of gratitude for the gifts experienced through that relationship or experience. We still miss the individual and simultaneously adjust to our new reality.   I remember when life began to feel fresh again and I felt a profound gratitude for having known my father and being able to experience the bliss of that reality in present time.  My heart opened up and I knew that his gifts lived on in me and others and I experienced a new found peace.

Common thoughts during acceptance are "I am OK even though I miss him/her"; "I feel the void and still I am breathing and loving life"; "I know my loved one exists in spirit; I am here in the physical world; I can sense him or her at times but trust he/she is where he/she needs to be and I am now where I need to be"; "Life is rich and I am grateful for that experience".  

The five stages of grief are fluid meaning we do not move from one stage to the next in a linear manner.  We may feel completely at peace in one moment and find ourselves angry in the next.  A wide array of emotions and symptoms are common throughout a grieving process and our attentiveness to these is how we heal. By giving ourselves and others the energy and space to authentically process loss we will discover our capacities for healing through the grieving process. Our culture likes to fix suffering and stop pain.  But grieving is a natural process of accepting loss.  We cannot rush through it or make pain disappear.  It will surface until we attend to it.

Support people can help the grieving by not trying to push anyone to feel "better" but simply to ensure that the individual's basic needs are being met through the process and being equally present to whatever emotions show up.

Grieving is not an illness to be treated.

Grief is a healthy process of coming to terms with loss.  The loss of a loved one or significant life experience can trigger deep emotional responses that may be tied to unresolved losses in earlier life.  When these arise, they are surfacing to be integrated into experience and being. It is important to be compassionate with whatever arises during grief and to give ourselves the support we may not have gotten when we were young.  It can help to educate ourselves about grief and actively engage in support groups, individual grief-centered therapy, yoga, exercise, meditation, conscious breath work and other healing tools while grieving.

Remember that time does not heal loss.  We heal loss through our attentive willingness to be with what is present and evolve through the experience.

Some Support Resources for Grieving:

Grief Support Groups: When we are grieving and others are not, we can feel isolated in our grief.  Being with those who have experienced loss can nurture us through our process. When we give ourselves active space and energy toward our healing, we will evolve through our grief.  A support group is a place where you can be truthful about your emotional responses to loss and receive compassionate attentiveness while you share and offer compassionate attentiveness to others too.  After my father died I was unclear if I had entered into postpartum depression or a facet of grief.  I found a support group at my family's synagogue and found it most helpful.  All of us were dealing with different kinds of losses but the space and compassionate energy toward healing ourselves and one another helped me to feel through my depression into acceptance, rather than isolating and marinating in my suffering.


Individual Therapy: There are all kinds of psychotherapy so discernment is important. It may be helpful to seek individual counseling during your grieving process depending on your life experiences and the circumstances associated with loss.  Your compassionate willingness to receive support is an act of courage and strength on behalf of your evolution.  Referrals are a great resource for finding your trained, qualified support person.  A psychic medium reading is not the same as authentic therapeutic counseling. Most psychic mediums are not trained in grief counseling. Even though I am a trained psychotherapist, if I offer a reading to a new client, I will usually refer him or her to another practitioner who is trained as a grief counselor when that kind of support is indicated. Make certain you turn to a professional trained in the grief counseling and that the professional is also resonant with your spiritual values.  


Engage in Presence Activities:  Take yoga, Qi Gong (pronounced "chi" gong), get a massage, take an Epsom Salt bath or enroll in a breath workshop.  Learn to be in your body, feeling whatever is present without judging, running or distracting yourself.  You will discover you innate power to be with you and the wide arrange of emotions available to you.  You will learn to be fearless when any emotions arise.  You will discover the deep well of peace existing within your core through this journey. After my father passed away, I discovered sitting and walking meditations as means for being present.

Participate in Meaningful Activities:  Take a walk outdoors, go see a funny movie, play with a pet; adopt or get a pet; paint or draw; bake or cook something you appreciate; volunteer for a charity that you care about; help a child or senior in need; cook a meal for someone; plant a tree.  Do not force any of these choices.  Do so only when your spirit moves you to do these and do not do them as a distraction. Engage in these activities to support your grieving process, not to minimize it. 

Being outdoors will serve your healing because nature is filled with the life force that sustains us.  The energy field surrounding your body will unfold and expand when you spend at least 15 minutes outside and in direct sunlight. Touch a tree for 5 - 10 minutes and let nature support your healing.  Envision roots growing from your feet into the earth and branches flowing from the top of your head into the divine, just like the tree. Your body, mind and spirit will be nourished through this simple process. 

Seeing a funny movie can be a very important act by allowing you time to integrate and engage in laughter.  Laughter promotes hormonal releases that nourish the entire physiology and promote healing.  The same is true when we engage in meaningful activities.  What do you love to do?  What nurtures you?  Don't do it to distract yourself from your grief but as a means of being actively in the world, while grieving.

Breathe deeply. Practice breathing deeply into your abdomen and elongating your exhale.  Learn to be present in your body.  Feel your feet, feel your hands, feel your cells.  Experience your breath.  Feel your heartbeat.  Witness your emotions and feel them moving like fluid water pouring through a stream non-resistantly cleansing and nourishing you.

Write Your Story: Write the story of your life and how that person fit into your life and into the lives of others. What have you learned as a result of that relationship?  What did you give to that individual and he/she to you?  Write the story in words within a beautiful notebook symbolizing that soul.  Create a collage or write a poem, song or draw a symbol of your experience and that person. Share the story with a compassionate party.  Discover how you will bring meaning from your experiences into your present life now.

Indulge in Self Care: This is the time to take positive actions for self care. Eat healthy foods, rest and sleep; take walks outdoors, pamper yourself.  If your religion asks you to abstain from any of these activities for a period of time, honor your spiritual truth but do not deprive yourself of care.  Do whatever you can to nourish yourself well while you are grieving. Let others show up and be there for you during this time.  If you need alone time, rest and honor this.  When you need to socialize, schedule time with supportive friends.  Listen carefully to what your authentic needs are during this time and tend to them honorably.

Visit a Qualified Clear Medium: This is not yet viewed as culturally acceptable in the grieving process but I have experienced the value of this experience on both sides of the process. In my case, I am a trained clinical psychologist (master's level) and a shamanic medium. My readings are not psychotherapy but they are offered with healing intent. A quality mediumship reading will promote insight, meaning, closure and healing for all concerned.

Mediums have different skills and training.  As a medium, I know that spirits will only come to speak with my clients to be part of the healing journey.  There is no casual conversation during a mediumship session, nor does a spirit cause any kind of distress to the living. When a message is received from spirit to the living, the spirit will shift through his or her grieving and integration process and the transformation is typically immediately observable.

No medium will make you dependent upon him or her for answers or ongoing communications with the deceased.  Usually one or two readings in one year are sufficient to serve your healing journey. There are a few exceptions but these are exceptions.  After my father died I was not yet serving as a professional medium, so I went to see a young psychic medium named Rebecca Rosen. I had never been to a medium before. Intuitively I knew she was an authentic channel.  That reading proved to significantly nurture my healing journey.

Remember Life is Eternal:  Birth and death are stages of life. You are a divine soul serving the expansion of consciousness through the human experience.  You chose to come into a physical body to experience the bliss of spirit through physical senses and you choose to leave the body when you are complete with that aspect of your soul's journey. All of life serves your soulful expansion.

Grief may not be easy.  It may not be comfortable.  Loss is an aspect of life that all of us are innately capable of experiencing and effectively growing through.  Grieving is natural.  Intense emotions are natural.  Learning to be present with grief, tending to ourselves compassionately and receiving sound support during the grieving process will nurture our innate ability to heal. 

Coming Out of the Closet

Recently Portia de Rossi and Ricky Martin have shared their stories of pain and shame about living as homosexuals who had been deep in the closet. Both spoke about the anguish of being made to feel like something was innately wrong with them for being gay.  Both spoke of longing to feel normal and how living in shame for the way they were created impacted their lives.

Boy can I relate.

It may be surprising to learn how deeply in the closet I too have lived as an intuitive being.  Even as a professional intuitive medium I have still been living in the shadow of fear and shame and not fully "coming out!"

I recognize that my comparisons will stir up questions and perhaps even criticism by describing my self within this same context as issues of sexuality.  But hiding in shame and living in the closet is an experience to which many can relate. And being a psychic kept me hidden deep in the closet for most of my life.

With psychic and mediumship abilities, I learned very early to refrain from openly expressing my authentic self to avoid the harsh judgments and minimization that were freely offered to my face  Just the other night I listened to a news piece on CBS as Katie Couric interviewed a scientist researching life after death.  Her bias rolled off her tongue as she questioned: "Aren't you concerned that this research sounds like 'new age' mumbo-jumbo?"  I noticed not one medium had been consulted for the piece.

I do not necessarily relate to the label "new age" but I am wired as a psychic medium and this usually equates with being "new age".  Other common reference are:  'woo woo'; "airy fairy";  "cultish" or some other term that minimizes and further marginalizes intuitive beings.

Many times when I have stepped out of the closet to share my intuitive experiencing of life, myriad judgments were offered. Some told me that intuitive knowing was folly; unprovable nonsense.  Some declared that it was an abomination and using these innate talents to speak with spirit was going against the God's decrees. One of my neighbors told me she was offended by me claiming this ability and that she would "pray for me" to stop.  I had a similar encounter at my husband's high school reunion.  Others have suggested my communication with spirits could be a sign of mental illness.  Still others have told me that if it were real, I should be able to prove it.  Don't you think I wish I could?  Some have judged me for using my abilities professionally, saying this is a gift from God and therefore I should not be remunerated for its use.  Though all other God's gifts are perfectly acceptable forms of professional fulfillment and service. 

When my daughter told her bunk mates at camp last summer that I was able to communicate with spirits, her friends mocked her claiming: "That is ridiculous.  There is no such thing."  My mother stated "you should not speak of it with your daughter.  Its not fair".

Like those born gay or even heterosexual, I too cannot change how I am wired.  I did not choose to experience life through psychic senses. It chose me.

Being adopted as a fair-haired, freckle-faced child within a dark skinned Jewish family led me to crave fitting in. I wanted to be normal.  Add childhood abuse, narcissistic parenting, sexual traumas and a schizophrenic brother into the mix of my early life experiences and being intuitively gifted made me feel even more marginalized. Like all the other variables that contributed to my shame,  I tucked my intuitive life deep inside me.

As a child I was able to see alternative dimensions with ease and can still access spirit at will. For as long as I can remember, I had past life recall. I knew my prior life existences.  I had an uncanny empathic skill which meant when I touched anyone, I would know their essence and feel their emotional status immediately.   I have always been able to feel another person's pain as though it were cutting through my own heart like a knife.  All I have ever wanted to do was ease their suffering.  Sometimes I would see the energy flowing from my heart to the other, as we spoke.  I have seen colors, energy patterns and most importantly, the helping spirits of individuals around me.  And, I have always known when I meet members of my soul group.

Consider the above paragraph.  Imagine having these experiences as a young child and telling your parents, your teachers, your peers or your religious leader?  Would you be readily believed? Understood? Accepted? Supported and nurtured through your intuitive maturation?

I often also had prophetic dreams. Once I told a casual acquaintance in high school about a vision I'd had regarding her father.  The next day she pulled me aside and begged me to tell her how I knew. That was the trouble.  I didn't know how I knew; I just knew.

And I had big message dreams, where guardian spirits would relay important guidance for my life.  Native American spirits often visited me and told me that I was a "shaman".  Did they know that I lived in middle-America suburbia as a Jewish kid?  I did not understand and had no one to help me gain meaning from my intuitive experiences.

For eons this is what it was like for intuitive women and men.  But women in particular.  Men were often called prophets or wise leaders.  Within a patriarchal culture, gifted shamanic souls - particularly women but eventually all intuitive humans - were made to hide their psychic or healing gifts from significant individuals.  Often they were shunned, hunted, tortured and burned for practicing intuitive processing.  Direct experience of the divine was considered evil, dangerous or occult. That legacy lives in our cultural biases today.

For years I feared my own abilities. I hid them so deeply inside myself, fearing they may mean I was evil, dangerous or dark.  The legacy of childhood abuse only added to the fears of discovering my abilities.  I just wanted to be normal.

When I was 17, I had been dancing in celebration of my impending graduation from high school with a group of friends. As the evening came to close, I crawled into my friend's car, placing myself in the center spot of her front bench seat.  As the girls were climbing into the vehicle, a  very loud male voice shouted in my ear: "Get out of the car!"  I turned to see what guy had entered our vehicle to harass me.  But no one but two girls were in the back seat.

"Who said that?" I asked.  The girls were so engaged in conversation they didn't even notice my question. Again the voice declared: "Get out of the car!"  I turned abruptly "come on" I said, "who's saying that!"  They looked perplexed, shrugged me off and continued talking.  As I moved to dismiss the voice yet again, I felt a sudden tug upon my being.  It was as though very strong hands had lifted me up over the girl to my right and pulled me out of the car.  I flew out of the vehicle and onto the parking lot pavement.  Startled and perplexed, I told my friends to leave without me and remained behind as they spun out of the parking lot.

I did not know how to explain what had just happened but was used to having inexplicable experiences.  I stayed and chatted with some friends who had not been ready to leave the event.  After speaking for another 30 minutes or so, we all headed for home. On our drive, we discovered the car that I had been "pulled from" as a ball of twisted metal on the side of the road.  The accident proved devastating for all concerned and included a fatality.  Surely I would have been one of the deceased had I remained in the center of a front bench seat, with no seat belt. For some reason, my spirit guide saved my life that night. 

Who would believe my story? Still, I was so shaken by the event that I told my father.  My dad was a engineer working as the CEO of his own company.  He gave no weight to anything "unprovable".  He was pragmatic and declared himself a Humanist.  Much like Portia De Rossi's mother telling her that she accepted her sexuality as she added, "but please keep it to yourself", my father suggested that I trust my inner voice from that point forward but also told me not mention it to anyone else.

The message was clear: keep your psychic life private.  Fit in.  Don't make waves. There was obviously something "shameful" about being intuitive. 

As an intuitive, I have had many encounters that amaze even me.  I have seen and spoken with benevolent helping spirits.  I have had a vortex of golden angels appear before me to assist me when I was in the depth of anguish. These angels revealed how to heal myself and led me into a path of recovery. I have had helping spirits navigate my way through large and small circumstances. I even had three angels come to me when I was pregnant with my daughter, showing me how she was cloaked in white light and was a beautiful spirit.  They told me her name and showed me a glimpse of her magnificent essence.

After the birth of my daughter, my intuition expanded even more greatly than before.  One day, while on the treadmill, I witnessed a magnificent angelic spirit touch my forehead.  I then knew about a young boy in spirit who longed to communicate with his mother.  The angel relayed details about this boy and though I did not know him or his mother I was shown how to reach her. When I communicated that boys messages to the grieving mother I experienced a depth of gratitude for divinity allowing me to serve in such a profound manner. 

But I did not feel worthy of such a gift.  After a lifetime of abuse and trauma, my self esteem, though significantly healed, was still too low.  I wanted to serve.  I wanted to help others.  But I wanted to do it through normal channels.  I felt ashamed of having something that set me so far apart from so many. 

I prayed for guidance about how to proceed after that first intuitive reading.  My helping spirits urged me to serve through providing readings. And once I said yes to the guidance, people began to call.  I did not advertise.  I did no promotional work.  Just like in the movie "Field of Dreams" people just started to show up. This brought me to my knees in prayerful gratitude daily!

Soon thereafter I hired a puppeteer for my daughters birthday party.  She came to my home and the moment I shook her hand, I knew she was in great distress.  As had happened many times in my life, she sat down and openly shared her life story. She spent hours in my living room as I held her heart.  At the end of our conversation, I told her about the angelic guides and loved ones who were helping her through her grief.  She asked me how I knew and told her that I could see them and connect to them through my intuition.  She was thrilled.  She asked me if I would offer her a reading rather than paying for her puppet show.  I agreed and we signed her business contract accordingly.

Two days before my daughter's birthday party, she left a message on my voice mail stating "I am canceling my part in your daughter's birthday party.  My church has told me you have cast a spell on me, that you are witch and that I must stay away from you because you are evil.  Since we signed the contract with an evil, unchristian agreement, it is null and void. I am not to go anywhere near you, your child or your home.  You are evil. Do not contact me again.  My church and I will pray for you".

That was not the first time I'd been told I was evil for being intuitive.  Nor was it the last.

As my mediumship abilities grew into a new found psychic ability, I entered graduate school.  Once again I was confronted by the biases toward being so overtly intuitive.  I was urged to keep my abilities hidden from clients, fellow students and supervisors. I was told that I could never combine my psychic mediumship skills into a professional practice as a psychologist. My supervisor insisted I never let anyone know about what I could see or feel through my intuition.  "It is unprofessional" she insisted, "keep it all to yourself.  Its only for your benefit.  Use it to serve".

At first I complied.  But the dichotomy burned harshly in my belly. How could I ever support my clients in living an authentic life, if I was so deeply in the closet as an intuitive?  I was told that I had to choose between being an intuitive medium or being a psychologist.  But I am not either one or the other:  I am both.  And I could never authentically support anyone in their healing journey if I did not fully claim my abilities and openly use them in service of others when truly guided to do so.

No one can live a fully peaceful and healthy life when they are hiding something so significant about themselves.  As the 12-Step Program states "we are only as sick as our secrets".   The other day, when I dropped my 11 year old off at her new friend's house for the first time, the mother asked me "what do you do for a living?" I hesitated and felt my internalized struggle with self acceptance matching forces with her subtle bias.  The words "intuitive medium" would not flow off my tongue and I tried to rationalize this as "protecting my daughter." I walked away wondering, "how many ways can I deny who I am?"

Portia De Rossi had to confront her sexuality and fully claim herself to heal from her eating disorder.  Ricky Martin had to embrace his sexuality openly to thrive inwardly and serve the healthy rearing of his beautiful children.  For any youth to feel safe to come out of the closet, all homosexuals need to feel that can safely emerge within our culture. 

But this is true for all of us who live as marginalized beings within a system intolerant of authentic differences. I too have to step boldly out of the closet and hide for no one ever again.  I am an intuitive medium: I am a shamanic soul. 


I want my daughter to embrace herself wholly.  I want her to know that she does not have to compartmentalize any aspect of herself to live in this world.  For the system to change, I have to take the first steps.  I have to own myself without hesitation.  It is my responsibility to openly model self acceptance as an intuitive medium and shamanic soul to serve my own integrated living and hers. 

I am confronting the biases of our culture openly now. No Divine Source of Life would create so many of us intuitively gifted souls only to tell us to hold these gifts at bay.  Like all gifts, they are to be used responsibly and ethically.  But this cannot be fully accomplished when so many of us are not valued as providing authentically helpful services.

Where are you hiding? I invite you to search fearlessly for where you hold back small truths about who you are.  I invite you to explore this question and the places where you might deny or minimize who you are.  I invite you to bring all aspects of you out into the light of day.  We heal ourselves and our world as we stop being complicate with a dysfunctional system that keeps women and men from living their true essence fully.  Today I step boldly out of the darkness, into the light of day and ask all of you who are willing, to join me.