written by Frederick Russ with Lori Lipten, M.A.
As young children we were spontaneous, joyful and creative. Children are pure energy in motion responding to life without questioning emotional fluidity. They give voice and action to their innate needs and wants openly. Inevitably, parents weed much of this spontaneity from a child through seemingly harmless attempts to support healthy development, create boundaries and nurture culturally accepted behaviors within their children. Authentic behavior is summarily discouraged. Among other effects, this process creates the labeling feelings of pain and discomfort as “bad” and therefore, something to resist.
When emotions rise into our body and awareness, this triggers an evaluation process. Based on our early life experiences, we habitually judge our emotions as “good” or “bad”. As uncomfortable feelings call to us, we often feel distress due to the combined judgment and stored energies from our past that have been trapped, blocked, and controlled within. We can identify these emotions by many names, but usually they include fear, anger and grief. Regardless of whether the triggers manifest as physical discomfort; mental turbulence or emotional distress, an invitation is being delivered.
Will we accept and explore feelings of discomfort, pain and suffering unconditionally with curiosity and compassion? By accepting the invitation, we hold the keys to our personal freedom.
It is understandable to react to discomfort with dread. We humans are hardwired to resist or control what we fear. But consider this: what if pain and discomfort were here to assist us and not hurt us? What if we viewed pain as an invitation to freedom? Rather than being at war with pain and discomfort, we can choose to be with ourselves unconditionally. We can greet our distress and begin to understand what it is trying to say to us.
How would our life be different if we simply stop running and say, “yes” to the pain and discomfort? Stay with me on this.
This approach can be incredibly transformational because it changes the way we relate to pain and discomfort. Instead of seeing uneasiness as the enemy, we open to whatever shows up. We stretch into our feelings and with compassion, even our love - we witness what is present and gently comfort each sensation with unconditional positive regard. We offer ourselves what we would offer a child in pain.
Resisting pain and discomfort may have turned into a lifetime momentum for most of us. Throughout development, we learn to control and distract ourselves from uneasiness. We view pain as the enemy and work hard to escape or conquer our nemesis. But our pain does not go away, no matter how strong the effort. This energy has stories to tell us and will seek our attention until we finally listen.
Consider that the appearance of pain and discomfort may very well be a phenomenon that has purpose and is occurring intentionally. Pain is leading us to the truth of what we have endured, how we have coped in an imperfect world. It is opening us to our perceptions about self and life. As we open to seeing this, we discover beneath the discomfort, our true nature. We discover our innate peacefulness and wisdom and our ability to witness pain and even allow the sensations to pass. By welcoming whatever shows up into our present moment without judgment, we shift. But to truly integrate all the unaddressed energy from the past or even this moment, we have to feel it without resistance. By choosing to place unconditional attention upon our pain and discomfort, we can be witness to the changes in sensation with compassion.
This can be accomplished simply by the act of saying “yes” to whatever life sends our way. We have the right to choose, and we are always invited to respond with our free will. Resisting the feelings of pain and discomfort is essentially saying no to our needs and life. In saying no, we stop the process of finding out what these feelings really mean. This effectively silences the knowledge that waits beyond the threshold of pain. Our uneasiness – anxiety, sadness, depression or any kind of suffering - has the power to be portal into a much deeper knowledge of self.
Saying yes, however uncomfortable it may be, allows for integration and greater sense of wholeness, peace, and greater access to self. It helps facilitate our healing and evolution by letting everything to be included. It grants us access to the hidden pearls of wisdom residing underneath emotionally charged sensation. When our feelings are finally seen, heard and felt not as the enemy but as the purveyors of wisdom that they would bring to the table were we to give them audience – we move into collaboration with our power and true essence, rather than the wounds that keep us hostage.
Our natural state is to be open, calm and peaceful. By accepting discomfort as an invitation to our true self we can feel safe when any kind of pain arises, trusting where it leads. We have the power to choose to replace resistance with openness and thus regain the spontaneity, creativity and joy we experienced as children. We have the power to move through the discomfort, into wisdom and freedom. By doing so, we return to pure energy in motion.
