Conscious Closure of 2010

As the year is coming to a close we can embrace a significant opportunity to consciously reflect upon life.  We can connect with the meaning of our past year and bring closure to this creative cycle.   Here are some tips for intentionally connecting to the purpose of your year and moving into the New Year with conscious grace. 

·   Set aside quiet time to reflect on 2010 over the next few days.   Give yourself 15 – 30 minutes each day to quietly connect with the process of creating closure.  Turn off the phones and schedule time that will be uninterrupted.  Get a journal or note paper to record your process.  Play soothing music.  Light a candle and/or incense to set the intention for that time.  

·   Step 1: Consider what you experienced in 2010.  As you sit in your quiet space consider the year as if it were a film you have just seen.  Don’t evaluate the value of the movie, the leading character (you) or other players.  Breathe deeply and observe the movie of this past year as if you were a neutral observer in the audience. What is the movie about?  Who are the major players?  What are the primary themes of this movie?  What was the dramatic arc of the film? What did the characters accomplish, struggle through and learn?  You may want to write out the story or simply observe it through your meditations.  If emotions arise, let them come as you breathe through them without judging anything you feel.  See if you can witness the story without attaching to the players or outcomes.  Simply observe. 

·   Step 2: Isolate the themes.  Sitting quietly in your uninterrupted space, reflect on the themes for your year.    What are the big ideas running throughout 2010?  Was 2010 about family, change, money, health?  What were the primary messages showing up throughout the year?  Where did your energy tend to go?  How do these themes relate to each character within your 2010 storyline?  What did you, as the main character of your story, learn this year?  What did you resist?  Are you willing to expand through whatever you resisted?  Are you embracing what was learned?  What did you gain from this year?  What did you offer to the world this year? After you have isolated the themes, give yourself time to reflect on these.  

·   Step 3: Name your Story.   Sit quietly in your space and breathe deeply.  2010 provided great opportunities for your soul to expand. What was the primary theme or message of 2010?  What does the story of your 2010 life-journey want to be called?  Give your story a name. Do the characters, including you have names too?  Perhaps there are chapters in your story that deserve headings as well. 

·   Step 4: Appreciate. Sit quietly in your uninterrupted space and breathe deeply into your body.  Call light to yourself and allow the light to settle into every aspect of your being.  Feel the essence of light expanding into your cells, flourishing throughout your body, emotions, mind, and spirit.  Expand the light and allow it to enfold you until you are basking in a sphere of light.  As you bask in this light, settle into a deep appreciation for you, your journey and all it has given to you.  Become aware of all the help you have received in the physical and from the non-physical world.   Spend time experiencing the sense of gratitude for what you have created in 2010, how it has helped you to grow and to contribute into the world. Appreciate YOU and all that you have experienced and learned through; all that you have shared with the world and all that you are. Everything that you experience in this physical world is designed to uplift, enrich, empower and evolve you.

·   Step 5: Going Forward.   As you sit quietly, breathing deeply into your body, consider the gifts you have received from your journey in 2010.  There may be places that you do not appreciate, enjoy or experience value.  Offer compassion to where you resist.  You may have observed patterns that no longer serve you and you may choose to let these go. Write on a piece of paper where you do not appreciate and where you may resist; write where you want to release.  Then set the intention to allow a higher perspective into your consciousness and the gifts from these experiences to arise throughout your awareness.  As an act of acknowledgment, you may want throw the pieces of paper into a safe fire, as you affirm your willingness to release, open and expand into a new horizon. What you release opens you to new experiences.  What are you taking with you into 2011 from your lessons learned in 2010?  What power are you integrating into your new way of speaking, thinking, feeling and acting?  What are you creating in 2011?

·   Step 6: Creating 2011. You are the creative force behind your life story.  What will you create in 2011?  Take time to peacefully contemplate what you want to experience in this coming year.  As you breathe deeply into your body, imagine yourself doing this very same conscious closure process at the end of next year.  What do you want the2011 story to be about?  What will you have learned and shared with the world?  How will you feel at the end of next year?  What do you appreciate at the end of next year?  You can write the plot for 2011 and give meaning to this story now.  Make a conscious effort to intend, allow and appreciate your life.  As you set the intention, you then allow your spirit to lead the way through this journey by practicing sitting in uninterrupted space daily, breathing deeply and intentionally connecting with your soul.  As you do this, feel into your true essence and allow that light to expand intentionally into your physical life.  Notice your creative journey unfolding through you consciously and appreciate how you are allowing your true essence to flourish into the creations of your new year. As you do this, you will consciously create a meaningful and spirit centered 2011.

May you experience the bliss of your divine self now.  May all beings experience the bliss of divinity in every possible way.  May all life on earth create and know peace.   

I am seeing you experiencing a peaceful closure to 2010 and a blissful creative journey in 2011.  Thank you for all the ways you have nourished my life.  Thank you for consciously creating yours.  Namaste.

The Medium on The Housewives of Beverly Hills

December 19, 2010

So I just found myself watching a television show that has truly left me stunned.  After spending the day teaching a Level 2 Intuitive Empowerment class where we focused on accessing mediumship abilities and connecting with loved ones in spirit, i noticed that Alison Dubois was going to be on television tonight.  Alison is an internationally renowned medium and the premise for the television series "Medium".  In her television show, Alison focuses heavily on the ethics of her work.  Today's class I too focused on the ethical responsibility of shamanic mediumship while guiding students through meaningful connections with spirit.  It was a profoundly fulfilling day.

Apparently the show is a reality based series called "The Housewives of Beverly Hills".  Don't tune me out yet! I can barely believe I watched it either!  I watched because I wanted to see Alison!! Well, I have to say I was disheartened. First, Alison was drinking heavily while being filmed and while under the influence of alcohol, she shared psychic "hits" with the party guests  who did not know her/  She was a guest, not there for entertainment.  Alison claimed to be able to see "when the party guests were going to die", laughing that one of the guests was "married for a second time but that the marriage would end up badly soon", calling individual guests "bitches" and "morally bankrupt".  She claimed to be "off the clock" and yet raved about her own "gifts" and how others should be fascinated by her as a result of her abilities.  She instigated arguments and told a stay-at-home mother that she "has done nothing of value with her life". 

I do not know what was happening for Alison Dubios at the time of this filming.  I can only comment on what I witnessed.  And let me begin by saying this....

Mediumship is not for entertainment. It is not meant for casual conversation.  As I understand it, a divine messenger will never be given hits that are judgmental about another.  Judgment is a filter of the ego; not a message from the divine.  Nor will a medium be given offensive language to describe another.  It will be neutral and factual but not offensive.  If that medium is truly plugged into a divine source, he or she will see the whole truth of the individual. An example I can give to you about this very subject is when I sat for a client and saw that her husband was engaged in something very harmful.  The divine guides sharing this insight with me had no judgment of him instead, they provided specific guidance to 1) awaken the client from her denial; 2) support the truth and safety of the children, 3) stop the offense and hold him accountable.  The entire message served to bring healing to all concerned. 

When a medium is plugged into the divine channels and spirit, compassion will emanate from that messenger. At the very least, you will experience the messages as neutral but fundamentally empowering to the client at a soul level. 

Alcohol deteriorates the energy field of the user.  It diffuses the messages, no matter what the messenger claims.  She happens to claim it makes her more "spot on".   The concern is not with her drinking. To engage in offering "psychic hits" while under the influence of alcohol and while voluntarily being filmed is not just irresponsible, it creates suffering.  Liken it to a doctor giving his/her medical opinion to a friend after having 3 cocktails. Would you consider that to be a worthwhile consult?  I do not care if Alison wasn't "on the clock" as professional medium, ethical boundaries do not just pertain to when you are "working".  

Psychic Boundaries are the responsibility of the professional, not the recipient. The guests at this party were completely infatuated and curious with Alison's abilities.  This is understandable because even though every human is innately intuitive and capable of connecting with spirit, we have a tendency to believe that this is a gift given only to a few. The party guests were pressing her for insights and because she'd had some cocktails, was therefore very relaxed and  overtly  infatuated with her own abilities, she did not have the good sense to say "I am at a party, enjoying a cocktail and need to refrain from any psychic activity for now". The guests did not understand the boundary was hers to establish and hold.

There is a divine purpose to mediumship encounters. Today in class I shared how my guides had encouraged me to teach the value of mediumship from a shamanic point of view.  According to my divine helping spirit shamanic mediumship is meant to: 

1. Awaken the individuals participating in the encounter. 
2. Bring closure, meaning and healing to all concerned
3. Uplift, inspire and even empower the client and all concerned.
4. bring through validations that souls are eternal and life is in a continuous evolutionary process
5. Provide connections that reassure the living that we are never alone;
6. Remind us all that we are all loved - even those who seem 'morally bankrupt" (Alison's language) because divine spirits are consistently aiding us into a higher state of consciousness and living!  
7. Remind everyone that mediumship is never for the sake of entertainment or casual conversation; it is always purposeful and it is never meant to dis-empower anyone.
8. And it will never promote the power or gifted skills of the medium over anyone. 

Witnessing a professional medium on television handle herself in such an insensitive and in my opinion, an unethical manner was disheartening.  I know Alison Dubois is talented. I've been a fan of her show mostly because it helped me to feel less alone in this world when it first aired.  It was the only television show that validated the experiences I had lived through as a medium.  But talent and responsible ethics are not the same thing.  Because we shamanic practitioners and mediums stand on the fringe of cultural acceptance, we each have a responsibility to clearly offer our services in alignment with their divine purpose.  As humans, naturally we will waver.  But it is my hope, that when we do, we openly reflect on our missteps and share the lessons we may be learning as a result of our derailment. 

What you do think about mediumship and its purpose? Did you catch the episode?  I have to admit I felt like a gawker watching a bad accident.  I just couldn't believe my eyes and yet I watched the whole thing to its intensely uncomfortable conclusion.  Whether or not you saw the show, I'd like to hear your thoughts about mediumship.    

(Shaman means an individual who is capable of accessing and understanding the world of spirit at will while living soundly in the material world.  A Shaman navigates both the non-ordinary realities of non-duality and ordinary reality at will. Shamans are innate healers. Shaman is a word originating from the Turko-Mongol and Tungusic cultures in Siberia.  It is not a Native American word)

The Five Stages of Grief

What is Grief?

Grief is a multifaceted response to any significant loss.  It is usually experienced through our emotions but it does impact our whole being including our body, our cognitive functioning and our behaviors. Grief can effect our interpersonal connections.  While grieving, we may find ourselves questioning our beliefs about life, spirit and God.  All of these experiences are a natural response to significant loss. 

Grieving is a process through which one adjusts to loss. It can be in response to the death of a loved one, ending of a relationship, loss of a job or other significant life situation.   

Time does not heal grief.  Our attentiveness to our grieving process is how we heal. 

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was a pioneer in understanding the grieving process  She identified that most people pass through five stages of grief. Though the grieving stages are universal, we all have unique contexts of life through which we respond to loss.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve; nor an appropriate time-line associated with grieving.  Grief and depression are not the same thing.  Depression is one of the stages of grief, but it is a fluid stage.  If one remains at this or any stage of grief in ways that halt the grieving process, it is important to reach out for qualified support.

When an individual dies, that spirit is helped through the transition from physical life into afterlife. All people who die are nurtured through the transition into spirit by the spirit world. It is equally important to allow ourselves who are grieving the death of a loved one or loss of any major life situation to receive multifaceted support throughout our transition of acceptance.

What are the 5 Stages of Grief?

Today's blog focuses on the grieving process for those living in the physical world, adjusting to loss.  The next blog will explore how these five stages are experienced in afterlife. Even those who pass into afterlife, transition through these stages as they too come to terms with no longer being physically alive.

Denial - Denial is a defense used to minimize the emotional impact of loss. Sometimes it is a cognitive effect and other times denial saturates our emotions and we shut down or become numb.  Some of us adopt a "stiff upper lip" and go right into action preparing the funeral or taking care of others. If we are processing the ending of a marriage or loving relationship, we may indulge in affairs or push ourselves out into the dating pool quickly to avoid the feelings of loss.  We may jump into a job search or keep ourselves busy to avoid the pain of loss. When death comes suddenly, denial is one way to absorb the information.  When death or loss are expected, denial surfaces because we believe we should not feel the pain of loss or cannot process the emotions associated with the loss. 

Denial is usually a temporary state as the emotions will eventually surface and the realization of loss will become conscious. Denial can last for moments, days or years. We can facilitate this stage of loss through our willingness to be present to whatever we are feeling in any given moment. It is important to know that we may feel a deep sense of loss even when death or loss was expected.

Some phrases that indicate an individual is in denial are: "Its for the best"; "I am OK"; "She's in a better place"; "As long as I keep busy..."; "That company/job/lover/friend was no good/a loser/bad news"; "There's other fish in the sea"; "Time will heal this"; "I'd better start dating"; "I shouldn't feel badly because I knew this was coming".  When I learned of my father's sudden death, I shouted "No, no, no, no, no..." and waved my hands at the individual who broke the news to me for several moments before I finally let the news into my consciousness and began to cry. 

Anger - Anger is a natural human emotion and a healthy function of the grieving process. Many of us feel uncomfortable with anger but it is a healthy response to an imbalance or perceived loss of power.  When fully processed, anger can move us from feelings of helplessness and abandonment into functional action. Anger will inevitably surface and we are meant to be with this part of our grieving journey attentively, without judging ourselves. 

We may feel completely powerless, abandoned by our loved ones during our grief.  We may find ourselves blaming others including God and the deceased. Often feelings of resentment, envy or jealousy appear during this stage. As we learn to breathe deeply through these emotions of anger, it will inform us so that we can tend to this stage of grief without trying to fix it, minimize it or become stuck within its hold. After my father died I wondered "why would God take someone so kind, generous and loving so early?" 

Common thoughts during this stage of grief are: "Why me??"; "Why him/her?"; "How can this happen?"; "Who is to blame?"; "Why didn't God answer our prayers? or Protect him/her?"

Bargaining - In this stage of grief, the bereaved person may begin questioning what could have been done differently.  This is an equally important stage of our grieving as we are coming to terms with life changing from what we have known it to be. During this stage the individual may feel overly responsible for the loss. This is a significant stage through which an individual reflects upon his/her role in what has happened. If the feelings of responsibility toward the deceased or life change are not resolved, the person may remain angry and guilty which prevents the full transition into acceptance.  Sometimes it is in this stage of grief that an individual clings to the spirit of the deceased, hoping he/she will remain close by in afterlife.  I recall asking God to bring back my dad.  I remember waking up and hoping I had dreamed the whole thing. These are all facets of the bargaining stage of grief. 
 
Each stage of grief allows us to transition from experiencing life in one way to experiencing it in a whole new way.  At any point in the process an individual can get stuck or can allow the emotional responses to be fully integrated.

Common thoughts at this stage of grief are: "If I could just feel him/her; see him/her"; "If I could just hold onto him/her I won't have to let go and feel what life is like without that individual"; "Please bring him/her back"; "Please show up in my dreams"; "please don't let this be real".

Depression - Depression is a stage of grief.  Depression and grief are not the same but they can mimic one another for a period of time.  During this stage of grieving, there is deep void and often a sense of hopelessness.  This is the stage when the grieving individual may withdraw from others.  This is a functional choice during the grieving process, as it can be a deeply contemplative stage. This stage of grief should not be minimized nor should support people try to cheer up the grieving or "get them out" or "keep them busy".  Feeling the void is a facet of coming to terms with the loss of what was once there. When we attend to this aspect of our emotional response without judgment, it is a fluid experience.  We may touch feelings of despair, not wish to speak with anyone, but if we breathe into these feelings, we will experience our ability to be present with the depths of despair while simultaneously witnessing, and healing our grief.  Feeling these emotions moves us through our healing journey. 

Support can be helpful, especially when despair and lack of self-care are sustained.  It is not helpful to encourage someone to "get past it" or "take their mind off of it".  Distraction does not promote healing. We do not need to fear deep emotions.  We will not die from intense feelings or be overrun by them. We are capable of extremely profound anguish and healing. 

Grief support creates a safe haven for individuals to move non-judgmentally through the phases of grief into acceptance and integration. My father died 2 months after the birth of my daughter, his first grandchild. There was a period of time when life seemed empty without him.  I used to speak with him on the phone every day.  We both loved to laugh and used to spontaneously call one another to share the latest great joke we had heard.  I felt the depth of that irreplaceable void for some time.  Though I had the beauty of my new child in my life, that did not replace the loss of my father.  I had to feel life without his physical presence and slowly, gently come to terms with a new life without him in it. 

Common thoughts associated with depression stage of grief are "Life has lost its meaning"; "why should I go on?"; "I wish I could join him/her?"; "I don't care about anyone/anything else".

Acceptance - During this stage of grief, the bereaved moves into an awareness that death is an inevitable aspect of life and that life is going to continue to thrive in a whole new way.  We may expand into states of gratitude for the gifts experienced through that relationship or experience. We still miss the individual and simultaneously adjust to our new reality.   I remember when life began to feel fresh again and I felt a profound gratitude for having known my father and being able to experience the bliss of that reality in present time.  My heart opened up and I knew that his gifts lived on in me and others and I experienced a new found peace.

Common thoughts during acceptance are "I am OK even though I miss him/her"; "I feel the void and still I am breathing and loving life"; "I know my loved one exists in spirit; I am here in the physical world; I can sense him or her at times but trust he/she is where he/she needs to be and I am now where I need to be"; "Life is rich and I am grateful for that experience".  

The five stages of grief are fluid meaning we do not move from one stage to the next in a linear manner.  We may feel completely at peace in one moment and find ourselves angry in the next.  A wide array of emotions and symptoms are common throughout a grieving process and our attentiveness to these is how we heal. By giving ourselves and others the energy and space to authentically process loss we will discover our capacities for healing through the grieving process. Our culture likes to fix suffering and stop pain.  But grieving is a natural process of accepting loss.  We cannot rush through it or make pain disappear.  It will surface until we attend to it.

Support people can help the grieving by not trying to push anyone to feel "better" but simply to ensure that the individual's basic needs are being met through the process and being equally present to whatever emotions show up.

Grieving is not an illness to be treated.

Grief is a healthy process of coming to terms with loss.  The loss of a loved one or significant life experience can trigger deep emotional responses that may be tied to unresolved losses in earlier life.  When these arise, they are surfacing to be integrated into experience and being. It is important to be compassionate with whatever arises during grief and to give ourselves the support we may not have gotten when we were young.  It can help to educate ourselves about grief and actively engage in support groups, individual grief-centered therapy, yoga, exercise, meditation, conscious breath work and other healing tools while grieving.

Remember that time does not heal loss.  We heal loss through our attentive willingness to be with what is present and evolve through the experience.

Some Support Resources for Grieving:

Grief Support Groups: When we are grieving and others are not, we can feel isolated in our grief.  Being with those who have experienced loss can nurture us through our process. When we give ourselves active space and energy toward our healing, we will evolve through our grief.  A support group is a place where you can be truthful about your emotional responses to loss and receive compassionate attentiveness while you share and offer compassionate attentiveness to others too.  After my father died I was unclear if I had entered into postpartum depression or a facet of grief.  I found a support group at my family's synagogue and found it most helpful.  All of us were dealing with different kinds of losses but the space and compassionate energy toward healing ourselves and one another helped me to feel through my depression into acceptance, rather than isolating and marinating in my suffering.


Individual Therapy: There are all kinds of psychotherapy so discernment is important. It may be helpful to seek individual counseling during your grieving process depending on your life experiences and the circumstances associated with loss.  Your compassionate willingness to receive support is an act of courage and strength on behalf of your evolution.  Referrals are a great resource for finding your trained, qualified support person.  A psychic medium reading is not the same as authentic therapeutic counseling. Most psychic mediums are not trained in grief counseling. Even though I am a trained psychotherapist, if I offer a reading to a new client, I will usually refer him or her to another practitioner who is trained as a grief counselor when that kind of support is indicated. Make certain you turn to a professional trained in the grief counseling and that the professional is also resonant with your spiritual values.  


Engage in Presence Activities:  Take yoga, Qi Gong (pronounced "chi" gong), get a massage, take an Epsom Salt bath or enroll in a breath workshop.  Learn to be in your body, feeling whatever is present without judging, running or distracting yourself.  You will discover you innate power to be with you and the wide arrange of emotions available to you.  You will learn to be fearless when any emotions arise.  You will discover the deep well of peace existing within your core through this journey. After my father passed away, I discovered sitting and walking meditations as means for being present.

Participate in Meaningful Activities:  Take a walk outdoors, go see a funny movie, play with a pet; adopt or get a pet; paint or draw; bake or cook something you appreciate; volunteer for a charity that you care about; help a child or senior in need; cook a meal for someone; plant a tree.  Do not force any of these choices.  Do so only when your spirit moves you to do these and do not do them as a distraction. Engage in these activities to support your grieving process, not to minimize it. 

Being outdoors will serve your healing because nature is filled with the life force that sustains us.  The energy field surrounding your body will unfold and expand when you spend at least 15 minutes outside and in direct sunlight. Touch a tree for 5 - 10 minutes and let nature support your healing.  Envision roots growing from your feet into the earth and branches flowing from the top of your head into the divine, just like the tree. Your body, mind and spirit will be nourished through this simple process. 

Seeing a funny movie can be a very important act by allowing you time to integrate and engage in laughter.  Laughter promotes hormonal releases that nourish the entire physiology and promote healing.  The same is true when we engage in meaningful activities.  What do you love to do?  What nurtures you?  Don't do it to distract yourself from your grief but as a means of being actively in the world, while grieving.

Breathe deeply. Practice breathing deeply into your abdomen and elongating your exhale.  Learn to be present in your body.  Feel your feet, feel your hands, feel your cells.  Experience your breath.  Feel your heartbeat.  Witness your emotions and feel them moving like fluid water pouring through a stream non-resistantly cleansing and nourishing you.

Write Your Story: Write the story of your life and how that person fit into your life and into the lives of others. What have you learned as a result of that relationship?  What did you give to that individual and he/she to you?  Write the story in words within a beautiful notebook symbolizing that soul.  Create a collage or write a poem, song or draw a symbol of your experience and that person. Share the story with a compassionate party.  Discover how you will bring meaning from your experiences into your present life now.

Indulge in Self Care: This is the time to take positive actions for self care. Eat healthy foods, rest and sleep; take walks outdoors, pamper yourself.  If your religion asks you to abstain from any of these activities for a period of time, honor your spiritual truth but do not deprive yourself of care.  Do whatever you can to nourish yourself well while you are grieving. Let others show up and be there for you during this time.  If you need alone time, rest and honor this.  When you need to socialize, schedule time with supportive friends.  Listen carefully to what your authentic needs are during this time and tend to them honorably.

Visit a Qualified Clear Medium: This is not yet viewed as culturally acceptable in the grieving process but I have experienced the value of this experience on both sides of the process. In my case, I am a trained clinical psychologist (master's level) and a shamanic medium. My readings are not psychotherapy but they are offered with healing intent. A quality mediumship reading will promote insight, meaning, closure and healing for all concerned.

Mediums have different skills and training.  As a medium, I know that spirits will only come to speak with my clients to be part of the healing journey.  There is no casual conversation during a mediumship session, nor does a spirit cause any kind of distress to the living. When a message is received from spirit to the living, the spirit will shift through his or her grieving and integration process and the transformation is typically immediately observable.

No medium will make you dependent upon him or her for answers or ongoing communications with the deceased.  Usually one or two readings in one year are sufficient to serve your healing journey. There are a few exceptions but these are exceptions.  After my father died I was not yet serving as a professional medium, so I went to see a young psychic medium named Rebecca Rosen. I had never been to a medium before. Intuitively I knew she was an authentic channel.  That reading proved to significantly nurture my healing journey.

Remember Life is Eternal:  Birth and death are stages of life. You are a divine soul serving the expansion of consciousness through the human experience.  You chose to come into a physical body to experience the bliss of spirit through physical senses and you choose to leave the body when you are complete with that aspect of your soul's journey. All of life serves your soulful expansion.

Grief may not be easy.  It may not be comfortable.  Loss is an aspect of life that all of us are innately capable of experiencing and effectively growing through.  Grieving is natural.  Intense emotions are natural.  Learning to be present with grief, tending to ourselves compassionately and receiving sound support during the grieving process will nurture our innate ability to heal. 

Coming Out of the Closet

Recently Portia de Rossi and Ricky Martin have shared their stories of pain and shame about living as homosexuals who had been deep in the closet. Both spoke about the anguish of being made to feel like something was innately wrong with them for being gay.  Both spoke of longing to feel normal and how living in shame for the way they were created impacted their lives.

Boy can I relate.

It may be surprising to learn how deeply in the closet I too have lived as an intuitive being.  Even as a professional intuitive medium I have still been living in the shadow of fear and shame and not fully "coming out!"

I recognize that my comparisons will stir up questions and perhaps even criticism by describing my self within this same context as issues of sexuality.  But hiding in shame and living in the closet is an experience to which many can relate. And being a psychic kept me hidden deep in the closet for most of my life.

With psychic and mediumship abilities, I learned very early to refrain from openly expressing my authentic self to avoid the harsh judgments and minimization that were freely offered to my face  Just the other night I listened to a news piece on CBS as Katie Couric interviewed a scientist researching life after death.  Her bias rolled off her tongue as she questioned: "Aren't you concerned that this research sounds like 'new age' mumbo-jumbo?"  I noticed not one medium had been consulted for the piece.

I do not necessarily relate to the label "new age" but I am wired as a psychic medium and this usually equates with being "new age".  Other common reference are:  'woo woo'; "airy fairy";  "cultish" or some other term that minimizes and further marginalizes intuitive beings.

Many times when I have stepped out of the closet to share my intuitive experiencing of life, myriad judgments were offered. Some told me that intuitive knowing was folly; unprovable nonsense.  Some declared that it was an abomination and using these innate talents to speak with spirit was going against the God's decrees. One of my neighbors told me she was offended by me claiming this ability and that she would "pray for me" to stop.  I had a similar encounter at my husband's high school reunion.  Others have suggested my communication with spirits could be a sign of mental illness.  Still others have told me that if it were real, I should be able to prove it.  Don't you think I wish I could?  Some have judged me for using my abilities professionally, saying this is a gift from God and therefore I should not be remunerated for its use.  Though all other God's gifts are perfectly acceptable forms of professional fulfillment and service. 

When my daughter told her bunk mates at camp last summer that I was able to communicate with spirits, her friends mocked her claiming: "That is ridiculous.  There is no such thing."  My mother stated "you should not speak of it with your daughter.  Its not fair".

Like those born gay or even heterosexual, I too cannot change how I am wired.  I did not choose to experience life through psychic senses. It chose me.

Being adopted as a fair-haired, freckle-faced child within a dark skinned Jewish family led me to crave fitting in. I wanted to be normal.  Add childhood abuse, narcissistic parenting, sexual traumas and a schizophrenic brother into the mix of my early life experiences and being intuitively gifted made me feel even more marginalized. Like all the other variables that contributed to my shame,  I tucked my intuitive life deep inside me.

As a child I was able to see alternative dimensions with ease and can still access spirit at will. For as long as I can remember, I had past life recall. I knew my prior life existences.  I had an uncanny empathic skill which meant when I touched anyone, I would know their essence and feel their emotional status immediately.   I have always been able to feel another person's pain as though it were cutting through my own heart like a knife.  All I have ever wanted to do was ease their suffering.  Sometimes I would see the energy flowing from my heart to the other, as we spoke.  I have seen colors, energy patterns and most importantly, the helping spirits of individuals around me.  And, I have always known when I meet members of my soul group.

Consider the above paragraph.  Imagine having these experiences as a young child and telling your parents, your teachers, your peers or your religious leader?  Would you be readily believed? Understood? Accepted? Supported and nurtured through your intuitive maturation?

I often also had prophetic dreams. Once I told a casual acquaintance in high school about a vision I'd had regarding her father.  The next day she pulled me aside and begged me to tell her how I knew. That was the trouble.  I didn't know how I knew; I just knew.

And I had big message dreams, where guardian spirits would relay important guidance for my life.  Native American spirits often visited me and told me that I was a "shaman".  Did they know that I lived in middle-America suburbia as a Jewish kid?  I did not understand and had no one to help me gain meaning from my intuitive experiences.

For eons this is what it was like for intuitive women and men.  But women in particular.  Men were often called prophets or wise leaders.  Within a patriarchal culture, gifted shamanic souls - particularly women but eventually all intuitive humans - were made to hide their psychic or healing gifts from significant individuals.  Often they were shunned, hunted, tortured and burned for practicing intuitive processing.  Direct experience of the divine was considered evil, dangerous or occult. That legacy lives in our cultural biases today.

For years I feared my own abilities. I hid them so deeply inside myself, fearing they may mean I was evil, dangerous or dark.  The legacy of childhood abuse only added to the fears of discovering my abilities.  I just wanted to be normal.

When I was 17, I had been dancing in celebration of my impending graduation from high school with a group of friends. As the evening came to close, I crawled into my friend's car, placing myself in the center spot of her front bench seat.  As the girls were climbing into the vehicle, a  very loud male voice shouted in my ear: "Get out of the car!"  I turned to see what guy had entered our vehicle to harass me.  But no one but two girls were in the back seat.

"Who said that?" I asked.  The girls were so engaged in conversation they didn't even notice my question. Again the voice declared: "Get out of the car!"  I turned abruptly "come on" I said, "who's saying that!"  They looked perplexed, shrugged me off and continued talking.  As I moved to dismiss the voice yet again, I felt a sudden tug upon my being.  It was as though very strong hands had lifted me up over the girl to my right and pulled me out of the car.  I flew out of the vehicle and onto the parking lot pavement.  Startled and perplexed, I told my friends to leave without me and remained behind as they spun out of the parking lot.

I did not know how to explain what had just happened but was used to having inexplicable experiences.  I stayed and chatted with some friends who had not been ready to leave the event.  After speaking for another 30 minutes or so, we all headed for home. On our drive, we discovered the car that I had been "pulled from" as a ball of twisted metal on the side of the road.  The accident proved devastating for all concerned and included a fatality.  Surely I would have been one of the deceased had I remained in the center of a front bench seat, with no seat belt. For some reason, my spirit guide saved my life that night. 

Who would believe my story? Still, I was so shaken by the event that I told my father.  My dad was a engineer working as the CEO of his own company.  He gave no weight to anything "unprovable".  He was pragmatic and declared himself a Humanist.  Much like Portia De Rossi's mother telling her that she accepted her sexuality as she added, "but please keep it to yourself", my father suggested that I trust my inner voice from that point forward but also told me not mention it to anyone else.

The message was clear: keep your psychic life private.  Fit in.  Don't make waves. There was obviously something "shameful" about being intuitive. 

As an intuitive, I have had many encounters that amaze even me.  I have seen and spoken with benevolent helping spirits.  I have had a vortex of golden angels appear before me to assist me when I was in the depth of anguish. These angels revealed how to heal myself and led me into a path of recovery. I have had helping spirits navigate my way through large and small circumstances. I even had three angels come to me when I was pregnant with my daughter, showing me how she was cloaked in white light and was a beautiful spirit.  They told me her name and showed me a glimpse of her magnificent essence.

After the birth of my daughter, my intuition expanded even more greatly than before.  One day, while on the treadmill, I witnessed a magnificent angelic spirit touch my forehead.  I then knew about a young boy in spirit who longed to communicate with his mother.  The angel relayed details about this boy and though I did not know him or his mother I was shown how to reach her. When I communicated that boys messages to the grieving mother I experienced a depth of gratitude for divinity allowing me to serve in such a profound manner. 

But I did not feel worthy of such a gift.  After a lifetime of abuse and trauma, my self esteem, though significantly healed, was still too low.  I wanted to serve.  I wanted to help others.  But I wanted to do it through normal channels.  I felt ashamed of having something that set me so far apart from so many. 

I prayed for guidance about how to proceed after that first intuitive reading.  My helping spirits urged me to serve through providing readings. And once I said yes to the guidance, people began to call.  I did not advertise.  I did no promotional work.  Just like in the movie "Field of Dreams" people just started to show up. This brought me to my knees in prayerful gratitude daily!

Soon thereafter I hired a puppeteer for my daughters birthday party.  She came to my home and the moment I shook her hand, I knew she was in great distress.  As had happened many times in my life, she sat down and openly shared her life story. She spent hours in my living room as I held her heart.  At the end of our conversation, I told her about the angelic guides and loved ones who were helping her through her grief.  She asked me how I knew and told her that I could see them and connect to them through my intuition.  She was thrilled.  She asked me if I would offer her a reading rather than paying for her puppet show.  I agreed and we signed her business contract accordingly.

Two days before my daughter's birthday party, she left a message on my voice mail stating "I am canceling my part in your daughter's birthday party.  My church has told me you have cast a spell on me, that you are witch and that I must stay away from you because you are evil.  Since we signed the contract with an evil, unchristian agreement, it is null and void. I am not to go anywhere near you, your child or your home.  You are evil. Do not contact me again.  My church and I will pray for you".

That was not the first time I'd been told I was evil for being intuitive.  Nor was it the last.

As my mediumship abilities grew into a new found psychic ability, I entered graduate school.  Once again I was confronted by the biases toward being so overtly intuitive.  I was urged to keep my abilities hidden from clients, fellow students and supervisors. I was told that I could never combine my psychic mediumship skills into a professional practice as a psychologist. My supervisor insisted I never let anyone know about what I could see or feel through my intuition.  "It is unprofessional" she insisted, "keep it all to yourself.  Its only for your benefit.  Use it to serve".

At first I complied.  But the dichotomy burned harshly in my belly. How could I ever support my clients in living an authentic life, if I was so deeply in the closet as an intuitive?  I was told that I had to choose between being an intuitive medium or being a psychologist.  But I am not either one or the other:  I am both.  And I could never authentically support anyone in their healing journey if I did not fully claim my abilities and openly use them in service of others when truly guided to do so.

No one can live a fully peaceful and healthy life when they are hiding something so significant about themselves.  As the 12-Step Program states "we are only as sick as our secrets".   The other day, when I dropped my 11 year old off at her new friend's house for the first time, the mother asked me "what do you do for a living?" I hesitated and felt my internalized struggle with self acceptance matching forces with her subtle bias.  The words "intuitive medium" would not flow off my tongue and I tried to rationalize this as "protecting my daughter." I walked away wondering, "how many ways can I deny who I am?"

Portia De Rossi had to confront her sexuality and fully claim herself to heal from her eating disorder.  Ricky Martin had to embrace his sexuality openly to thrive inwardly and serve the healthy rearing of his beautiful children.  For any youth to feel safe to come out of the closet, all homosexuals need to feel that can safely emerge within our culture. 

But this is true for all of us who live as marginalized beings within a system intolerant of authentic differences. I too have to step boldly out of the closet and hide for no one ever again.  I am an intuitive medium: I am a shamanic soul. 


I want my daughter to embrace herself wholly.  I want her to know that she does not have to compartmentalize any aspect of herself to live in this world.  For the system to change, I have to take the first steps.  I have to own myself without hesitation.  It is my responsibility to openly model self acceptance as an intuitive medium and shamanic soul to serve my own integrated living and hers. 

I am confronting the biases of our culture openly now. No Divine Source of Life would create so many of us intuitively gifted souls only to tell us to hold these gifts at bay.  Like all gifts, they are to be used responsibly and ethically.  But this cannot be fully accomplished when so many of us are not valued as providing authentically helpful services.

Where are you hiding? I invite you to search fearlessly for where you hold back small truths about who you are.  I invite you to explore this question and the places where you might deny or minimize who you are.  I invite you to bring all aspects of you out into the light of day.  We heal ourselves and our world as we stop being complicate with a dysfunctional system that keeps women and men from living their true essence fully.  Today I step boldly out of the darkness, into the light of day and ask all of you who are willing, to join me. 
 

The Afterlife Process.

Ever wonder what happens when we die?

If the individual who dies is prepared for death, the new status of being deceased is accepted and the individual spirit moves through the transition with benevolent helping spirits. When an accident or sudden death happens, the benevolent spirits facilitate the acceptance process. Some individuals do resist the process and remain in a state of hyper focus on the material world. These spirits do not accept death and therefore will remain in a state in between physical and full-ascension into the light but are always given the opportunity to ascend. For most individuals, the transition is a flow from the world of physical experience into a reunion with divine source otherwise known as the "light".

During the ascension process each spirit enters into a stage of after life called "life review". Benevolent helping spirits will assist the individual through this experience too. Much like Ebeneezer Scrooge, the individual will witness her own life with a non-judgmental guidance team. Sometimes, its like witnessing a movie of one's own life. But this review engages all of the senses and allows the individual spirit to experience whatever she created while in the physical world. Every act of love will be felt fully and every other experience will be too. If a spirit created kindnesses and didn't know its effects, these too will be fully felt. If that individual created suffering for anyone else, that too will be experienced. There is no judgment during this process. Only a compassionate witnessing of how life was created and experienced by this particular soul.

The soul then evaluates how these choices served the original purpose for choosing that particular life. Often, loved ones in spirit will assist the newly deceased throughout the review process. These familiar spirits will support the individual and compassionately communicate where love flowed and did not. They too will all participate in healing. Some spirits learn and integrate life lessons easily, while others resist. Though the ego is not a part of ascended living in the light, it is still somewhat present during life review. When one is greatly attached to the physical world, her ego perceptions will prevail through this phase of the afterlife process. But grace is always an option and illumination can happen in a moment

The spirit then integrates what was learned into the vibrational structure of the soul. This becomes part of the soul matrix and serves the trajectory of that individual soul's creative path. What was not fully understood may also be imprinted into the vibrational structure to allow further opportunities for expansion to happen through other physical incarnations or non-physical experiences. The choices about one's soul evolution will be decided by the individual soul and his or her spiritual guidance team. Together, that group will determine the next best steps to serve individual and collective evolution of consciousness.

During the process of life review, a spirit is given the opportunity to make corrections. Just like when we are alive, we can shift into a deeper awareness and behaviors that reflect our understanding. Souls may be granted permission by the spiritual guidance team, to make corrections by coming into the physical world to communicate with the living. This is offered only to positively impact life in ways not done while that individual spirit was alive. This means, the individual spirit will be given clearance to make a communication through an honorable medium; a visitation dream or some other peaceful means to promote healing, understanding, closure and growth.

Spirits are not ever permitted to cause suffering. When this happens, that spirit has not entered into the ascension process and is not participating in life review.

The primary purpose for a medium is to reassure individuals that life is eternal and that spirit can communicate with the physical world and to facilitate the communication of a correction. Mediumship is not meant for casual conversation or to create any form of a dependency on connecting with spirit through a medium. Mediumship serves as a step within the life review process and when done with integrity, the messages will serve the life review of all concerned (by assisting physical and non-physical spiritual evolution).

A life review is a significant opportunity for the growth of all souls. It allows one to see how she fulfilled her purpose and where she allowed fear to dictate choices. Life reviews can be done while still living in physical form. By learning to witness our life honestly without judgments to serve our evolution, we participate in our life review consciously. Divine helping spirits suggest we do this regularly and at least once per year, specifically around the Fall equinox when every soul's records are openly reviewed by spirit annually.

Life review is not a linear process. It can be an ongoing integration depending on the circumstances of that individual soul and its soul family. After the initial stages of a life review which can take anywhere from 4 - 11 months when looked at through linear time, a soul then chooses his or her next steps. Some spirits move into higher dimensions of creation and experiencing.  Some souls experience ever increasing states of bliss, love, joy, freedom. Some rest and reconnect with loved ones in spirit. Some move further into spirit and some choose to keep one foot in the physical world as a helping guide.

Engage in Your Life Review
You can take a fearless and searching inventory of your life at any time. Make the time and space to do this. I suggest going somewhere beautiful, serene and nurturing to your spirit. Sit quietly, breathe deeply and ensure you will not be interrupted. Bring a notebook and pen, get comfortable and relaxed. Then choose to be a "scientist" or "compassionate witness" as you reflect upon your life. Remember, this is not a time for judgment or criticism. This is about discovering who you are and how much of your soul self you are expressing. A conscious life review is an opportunity to honestly choose to live as your true self!

One way to conduct a life review is to write your life story in 3 - 6 paragraphs. Then carefully and compassionately read what you have written. Notice the themes of your life. What are they?

Ask yourself the following without judging your responses:

• What are you passionate about? Where and how do you express this passion?
  
• What guides your daily choices?
• Where are you creating love, freedom or joy?
  
• Where do you feel fear, doubt, anxiety and struggle?
• Do you hold any resentments? Whom do your resent? What do you resent?
• What will it take to forgive or release your resentments? What do you gain from holding onto your resentment? What will you gain by letting it go?
  
• Do you have any debts? Financial or emotional? Where are you in fear about giving? Do you give freely or fear losing your money, your heart or energy?
  
• Are you willing to forgive yourself everything?
• Are you willing to forgive yourself anything?
• Where are you unwilling to forgive yourself? And what are you gaining by holding onto your judgment? What might you gain if you absolve yourself?
  
• Where are you selfish or self serving? What do you get from this? What do you lose? Are you willing to shift these patterns?
  
• Where are you judging or blaming? What do you gain from this? What do you lose? Are you willing to shift these patterns?
  
• Where are you kind and generous? What do you get from this? Are you willing to expand these choices?
  
• Where are you compassionate and understanding? What do you get from this? Are you willing to expand these choices?
  
• What were you born to do in this lifetime? Where are you expressing it? Where do you withhold this purpose? Are you willing to express your purpose now? What will it take to do that?
  
• When you die, what legacy do you want to leave behind?
  
• What do you want to take with you into your after life?
• Who are you?
• Who were you before you were born? Who will you be after you die? How do these answers influence how you experience yourself now?
  

Everyone dies a physical death. Everyone goes through life review. You can engage this process consciously and expand your soul's experience here on earth now. And all the helping spirits who assist you through life review will happily assist you now. Just open your heart and mind and let the process unfold.

Please share your response to this blog.  Or let me know what topics you'd like me to discuss here.  

Do you believe in intuition? The truth is, no matter how intuitive you are, your mind will always discount your intuition.

I do not believe in intuition. Indeed, I have always been pretty skeptical when it comes to intuition. But intuition for me, is not something derived from my beliefs. Intuition is a knowing.

My mind still cannot grasp how I can see and hear spirits, experience multiple dimensions and know that which is not expressed in ordinary reality. So it remains an ever present skeptical and often awed witness to the intuitive process. My mind is not a believer. Its my soul that knows the truth.

The mind always wants proof for our intuitive process. It seeks validations from spirit to believe. And while evidence and validations help - they will never convert a skeptical mind completely. That mind will always question what it cannot take full credit for creating and understanding.

To develop your intuition means knowing this duality exists within your physical experience. Your mind has one experience while your soul has another. Your mind will seek validations for your soul's intuitive guidance. And once you allow the mind to evaluate and determine the validity of your intuitive process, it will suck the very life out of the gift your soul is working hard to give to you.

When intuitive guidance comes, its always coming to serve your highest good. Because the guidance flows from that which is all-knowing, it does not provide proof for why, how or where its going.

Consider the watching a movie you enjoy. You move along the story line with the characters, feeling all the emotions of elation and disappointment as they confront the plots twists and turns. The characters have no idea where they are going or how they will get there. And neither do you. You witness the experience with engaged interest allowing the ending to unfold, trusting that a well written story will lead you and the characters to a fulfilling conclusion.

The writer script knows precisely why the characters are making certain choices, engaging in specific challenges and where it leads. Your soul is exactly the same as the writer of your specific plot line. Your soul knows why the intuitive guidance fits into your specific purpose and the value of enacting that guidance.

When you receive intuitive guidance there is always a bigger reason than your mind can grasp. But your mind will ask for evidence: "If I do this, how will it serve me?"; "What will be the outcome of this choice?"; "How will I pay for that?"; "How does eating that and going there bring me to a soul mate?"; "Is this truly going to work for me?"; "How can this be right; it makes no sense?"

By spending time with those questions and giving them power, you shift from alignment with soul into identification with the mind. The purity of your guidance fades. You feel doubt. And likely do not act.

Your soul will try again. And again. And again. Because the guidance has purpose. Its not like the mind - it doesn't change tunes. It has a mission and it will keep trying until it gets through by you allowing the message into action.

And you won't get another message until you enact THAT specific guidance.

People often ask me how I got to be so intuitive. I was born this way, just like you. And I consisently growing this ability. The gift expands through the willingness to allow the mind to witness my intuitive flow rather than diminish its relevance in my life. I don't squash the skeptical thoughts nor do I empower them. I simply notice them, while then allowing intuitive messages into my consciousness. When I do empower my mind over my intuitive flow, I suffer. But when I allow intuitive truth into my awareness and enact it boldly, my life unfolds in ways my mind could never have imagined.

Receiving the intuitive flow is only one part of growing intuitively. I have to act. I receive and then enact the guidance as it comes. And taking action while understanding that my witnessing mind will question the intuitive choices and always provide evidence for not doing it! I take action knowing its going to be uncomfortable. Like a good yoga stretch, I allow myself to move into something new, breathing deeply, feeling the mind's resistance while moving in the direction of my soul.

Intuitive guidance does not make logical sense. It will never appease the mind. Just like the characters within a movie plot. Remember, it is only at the end of the film that each one appreciates the story-line and how the choices, scenarios, players and rhythm of the actions got them to the fulfilling conclusion. Retrospect reveals the purpose.

Intuition isn't based on belief. Belief is the realm of the mind. Knowing is the realm of non-physical reality. It is the dominion of the soul.

Intuitive guidance will never appease your mind. It will never give you enough evidence or answer the questions to completely validate your faith. It may help - but until your mind can completely prove it - your mind will never fully believe.

The mind serves a purpose. It is meant to allow us to experience the physical world, just like the body serves as an important container for our spirit. It gives us the power to interact within certain limits and to experience the richness of individuality. But its not the eternal or infinite resource for our being. Its a tool.

Intuitive living means you live in full alignment with your soul allowing the mind to be a tool for life rather than dictator of your reality. To evolve and experience the bliss of intuitive living, you have to decide to shift your identification with your mind as the central knowledge base for your life into the infinite wisdom of your eternal essence - your soul and all that your soul is connected to.

When you receive intuitive inspirations, they will come as a knowing, a feeling, a vision. You may simply feel the need to "do this next". When you act on that inspired message you strengthen your intuitive muscles, empower your spiritual essence and evolve.

Your soul will never lead you into failure or set you up for pain. It is always interested in your highest good and therefore, the highest good for all life. Your soul is aligned with your purpose and the infinite resources available to fulfilling that purpose with ease and effortlessness. And your soul is resonant with joy,love, health and prosperity.

You get to choose how you live: from your mind's data bank or your soul's infinite resources. Mind-centered living gives you what you have already. The world currently reflects mind-centered living. Soul-centered living creates a world reaching beyond your mind's vision and fulfills a higher destiny that simultaneously evolves you, serves life on earth and allows the infinite well of divinity to pour forth into your life.

The choice is yours. My mind often resists the party of soulful living, but that's OK. I witness its tantrums and resistances and lovingly bring it along for the ride of its life! Living a soulful life is a consistent opportunity to shift into the world of infinite possibilities and allowing them to unfold in miraculous ways. You have that power. Just breathe, listen, allow and then take inspired action.

Have soulful fun!
Namaste, Lori