Creating an Authenic Holiday

The holiday season is upon us and most of us find ourselves invited into the habitual choices that we now call traditions.  Some of the patterns inspire and open our hearts while others lead us to feeling disconnected, pressured and overwhelmed at this time of year.  So how can we change the trajectory of this season’s dance and create a holiday filled with love?

1.     Remember who you are.  You are the very essence of love.  Love is the pure, unconditional essence at the core of all life.  It streams from the Divine Source without barriers, without judgments, without needs.  It is a constant flowing energy that is your true essence.  It never pulls back or shifts from your being. 

2.     Cultivate a Love Practice.  What you focus on expands.  Take time each morning to be silent and connect with your true essence.  Begin by  sitting in a comfortable position, spine open and upright, arms resting at your sides.  Breathe deeply into your body and elongate your exhale.   Relax your jaw and facial muscles.  Breathe in and out deeply  several times and then normalize your breath.   Picture someone you love unconditionally.  Feel the love within your being and appreciate your heart’s ability to radiate love so freely, so easily.  As you connect with this love, expand the energy so that love saturates all the cells of your body.  Expand the love outward until your whole space is illuminated with love.  Make a decision to bring this loving energy into your day.  See the day unfolding in your mind as you radiate pure love.  Bask in this radiant love.  Bring this energy throughout your day and notice what happens.

3.     Practice presence.  Presence is the portal to love and equanimity.  Our culture believes love, happiness and fulfillment are dependent upon circumstances and others.  Love, peace, prosperity, wisdom and more are energies within us.  Where you put your attention, will expand.  Take a moment right now, to breathe deeply into your belly, elongate your exhale and do this several times.  Allow your breath to normalize.  Let your attention focus on breathing in and breathing out.  Breathing in, breathing out.  Let thoughts float by, without giving them your any more energy thatn simply noticing their presence, while focusing on your breath.  Love is always present within your heart.  It is not conditional.  Love is not dependent upon your fulfilling your to-do list; getting things perfect; giving or receiving the right presents; meeting someone’s needs; or being worthy.  YOU are born from the essence of love.   When you learn to be with your breath and right here and now, you access your innate power through presence.  You discover love, peace, joy and prosperity as energies within you ready and willing to expand through your presence. 

4.     Act with kindness.    Make a decision to be a force of love through kind actions this season.   Instead of joining into the hustle bustle; slow down and give someone your space in line; lend a helping hand; give someone your full attention.   You never know what burdens another person is carrying within their being - so breathe, access love and practice random acts of kindness throughout your day.  The energy upon which you focus expands.

5.     Cultivate appreciation.  Gratitude is the essence of our presence to love.  Set a timer to ring several times in the day: make this your gratitude alert!  Notice where your attention is at that moment.  Breathe deeply and focus on 3-5 things your deeply appreciate. Breathe and appreciate your ability to experience and cultivate gratitude and love.  Whatever you focus on expands.

6.     Create a New Tradition.   With the focus on material gift giving, children learn to associate abundance with stuff.  Perhaps you can do something different this year and create an appreciation book for members of your family filled with statements and images expressing your gratitude.   Have your children do the same and include their drawings.  Take time to write those things you deeply value about the individual.  Decorate the book as an expression of loving appreciation.  Notice what expands in your life. 

7.     Discover true meaning in your holiday.  What do you celebrate and why?  Spend time discovering what the holiday truly means to you.  Cultivate a meaningful connection to the event your honor – Christmas; Hanukkah; Winter Solstice; Kwanza or others.  As you discover the meaning of this holiday, align your choices with this significance.  Where you spend your time; the gifts you may exchange; the celebrations you’ll create or attend can deepen that connection to your holiday or serve as a distraction from it.   Bring meaning into every action associated with the holiday and notice what happens.   

You are the essence of love incarnate.  You are pure potential awaiting your focused attention to bring forth exquisite creations into abundant experiences and forms within the earth.  Awaken to your authentic power.  Connect with the miracles associated with your holiday, the infinite well of love within you and the power to expand that love and appreciation throughout the season.  And notice what happens.
Seeing you in the miracle of love now and always,
Lori

Divine Guidance or Ego Guidance?

Intuition is the language of non-physical energy. All humans are inherently intuitive because you are essentially non-physical energy. You are a spirit having a physical experience. And that makes your first language intuition and you innately capable of understanding divine guidance. Like all sensory abilities, intuition can be developed and will expand in its accuracy and relevance as you intentionally evolve and awaken to your true essence.

At first, your intuition will most obviously flow through the energy centers aligned with feelings and emotions. You may get a gut sensation - opening or tightening in the solar plexus. Or you may feel sensations on your skin or an energetic surge throughout your body that equates with a "knowing" calm. You may have telepathic experiences like finishing sentences of another person or knowing when a friend will call.

Early in your intuitive development insights, symbols, signs and synchronicities appear random. Dreams seem important but their meaning ambiguous. The yearning for more fulfillment will strengthen.  And you may even notice a spirit or flash out of the corner of your eye.

Because of our culture's devotion to the third dimension and its dependency upon the intellect and physical form, we tend to fear intuition. Imagine that? We fear the language of our divine nature and the benevolent aids willing to serve and support our evolution.

Divine guidance is never meant to be elusive, intimidating or haphazard. It has a purpose to awaken you to your true self. You are not your physical body, mind or emotions. You are not your story, beliefs or fears. Divine guidance is designed to reinforce the truth – that you are an infinite being of exquisite divine essence. Your purpose is to awaken and express your highest self into the most exquisite creations on earth you are willing to bring through. As you do this, your intuition grows proportionately.

Intuition will lead you into the easiest pathways for fulfilling your divine purpose. It will guide you into healing all that blocks your true essence from radiating freely throughout your energy field and support you through every facet of your life. Whatever divine intuition leads you to do, it will lead you through. Divine guidance does not set you up to fail; it will connect you with all required resources to support your true mission.

When you develop your intuitive abilities, your soul’s presence expands into your whole being and life. So will your wisdom, health, joy and capacity for love.

The ego lives in a state of fear, blocking the intuitive truth from leading the way. It strives to keep you believing in the third dimensional reality while negating the true power of your spirit. It isn't bound by truth but by design, it feels so real to us. 

So how can you tell the difference between Divine Guidance and Ego Guidance?

Qualities of Divine/True Guidance


• Empowering, wise tone and content
• Repetitive; consistent - will last a lifetime or more until you act upon it
• In harmony with all life
• Expresses joy in the here and now; is not interested in the future
• Strong, powerful, difficult to ignore
• Encouraging, deliberate and not emotionally attached to an outcome
• Compassionate, uplifting, inspirational, empowering
• Is soothing, warm, nurturing, healing to the core of your being
• Supportive of the highest good and potential for you and all
• Reveals resources from exceptional places
• Equally empowering to your authentic self and authenticity of others
• Direct, simple, to the point, without explanation
• Arrives spontaneously or through intentional communion with the divine
• Helps you to know you are powerful and equal to all others; gifted and    beloved in equal measure
• Reminds you that you have power to choose and create your reality
• When you enact the divine guidance, your life improves and when you don't your life is stalled, stuck or worsens
• Promotes letting go of limiting beliefs and paradigms
• Advances you spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically
• Supports health and healing without fear or shame
• Never condemns your choices while leading you to healthy, loving actions
• Encourages an open mind, open heart, emotional flow and physical health
• Unconditionally forgiving
• Balanced, holistic - is interested in the wellness of all life. Will not sacrifice the health of one thing to better another.


Qualities of False/Ego Guidance


• Disempowering with judgmental tone and suggestions
• Changes topics, directions, ideas on a whim or to follow trends
• Self-serving, competitive and mistrustful
• Delays your happiness and fulfillment
• Insidious, sneaky, schemes, mocks and insults to feel powerful over others
• Emotionally driven; mimics admonitions from childhood; mirrors your deepest fears
• Drains your energy and resources; sources energy from others
• Feels dark, dense, prickly, cold
• Critical, condemning, immature tone; self-righteous; tears you down
• Reveals barriers, limitations and reasons for not following intuitive guidance
• Weakens you or others; makes you superior to others; thrives on separation and competition
• Rationalizes deceit; revenge; cruelty, condemnation of others
• Guides you to act from obligation and guilt
• When you enact ego guidance, your life stalls or worsens; you repeat lessons over and over; you feel beaten up by life
• Requires allegiance to your beliefs and paradigms; cannot tolerate questioning
• Stalls spiritual, physical, emotional and intellectual growth
• Shames your emotions, healing or processing and emotional needs
• Rigid, perfectionistic, controlling
• Demands reparations; is conditional, unforgiving and vengeful
• Sees life in black and white; right and wrong; dualities and polarities
• Believes the end justifies the means; “dog eat dog world”; “no pain, no gain” are some of its mottos
• Perceives external forces as creating your reality
• Provides vague guidance; desires status like making you a hero, special or famous

You are a divine soul existing as a hologram of Divine Source Energy. Within you exists the unlimited resources for prosperity, joy, empowerment, love, truth, health, wisdom and enlightenment. Intuition is your bridge to your true power and the creative potential awaiting your discovery and expression!


This weekend I am offering Intuitive Empowerment Intensive - Level 1 at Soothe Your Soul in Oxford, Michigan November 19 and 20 (248)-236-9855. It will be offered in Royal Oak Michigan in late January. Level 2 will be offered in February and March 2012 for details click here.

Springtime in Paradise

When you enter into an intuitive flow, it means letting go of your ego, opening to your higher soul-self and merging into the flow of divine guidance.  Living in intuitive flow is counter culture.  It means you are moved to act in accordance with divine will and not the ideas that reinforce logic or the imprinted perceptions of your thinking mind.  It may mean that those around you who live in alignment with the ego, will not be comfortable with your choices. It takes courage, disciplined willingness and action on divine guidance to live a soulful life. 

Earlier last year, when meeting with my colleague Megan Gunnell to plan and create a mind, body soul retreat, I suggested we enter into shamanic journey to discover what our divine helping spirits had to say about where we should go and what we should offer.  Allowing the rhythm of the drum to guide us, we shifted from ordinary realities into the ethereal realms of spirit.  There, we meet with benevolent spirits who provide insights, guidance and healing as needed.  Afterward, we each shared what we had learned.  And to our amazement, our divine helpers encouraged us to create a retreat in Costa Rica. 

Costa Rica was not on our radar so we were surprised!  As Megan and I let our preconceived ideas go and opened to the intuitive flow, we were serendipitously led to the perfect resort in the southern point of the beautiful Nicoya Peninsula.  The place is called Anamayaresort and is nestled on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean.  It is surrounded by the tropical rain forest and resides in one the five Blue Zone Regions of the world.  A Blue Zone refers to an area so rich in prana (pure life force) that the individuals who live there are healthier and live longer than anywhere else on the planet.

Listening to intuition takes practice. Doing something outside of your comfort zone will challenge your ego: the questioning mind that is ever present and will work hard to negate the expansive suggestions of spirit.  The ego is self seeking and immature in its tone and guidance; it will change its mind often and require facts and proof before taking action.  Divine guidance does not waver or appeal to your ego in any way.  Your spiritual  helpers are not interested in making you comfortable - their job is to support your soulful evolution. To expand on a soul level, you have to be willing to let go of ideas that keep you experiencing status quo.  That means, you will be challenged.

When you let go, open and listen to the divine, you will be led to people, places and things that open your mind and heart, uplift your spirit, expand your ideas about you, others and life itself.  Divine guidance always serves the highest good of the whole.  The ego's choices means that some benefit at other's expense.  Divine guidance emanates from that which is unified with all-that-is, so everyone matters equally. 

As Megan and I researched Costa Rica and the resort, we found ourselves awed by where we were being led. First the resort: Anamaya means wellness, without troubles and good health in Sanksrit and that is the focus of our retreat and professional mission!  Anamaya is a small boutique hotel, allowing all of us participating in the retreat to be the only guests at the resort for the entire week.  The kitchen serves organic, locally grown foods offering both vegetarian and organic poultry and fish meals. 

The yoga deck is located outdoors, allowing for full views of the ocean and plush tropics throughout the workshop experience.  We are told that we will be hearing the sounds of monkeys and tropical birds as we flow through our morning yoga, daily breath work, meditation and creative activities. The resort has a beautiful salt-water infinity pool overlooking the ocean and spa services including massage and infrared sauna.

Can you imagine spending an entire week engaging in yoga, meditation and meaningful connection to yourself and others while surrounded by beauty and prana?  I am overjoyed by where spirit has led us. And excited to see if your spirit will be leading you to join us!

Anamaya is only a five minute walk from the renowned Montezuma Falls and short walk to the beach.  A few miles down the road is a stretch of beach 
known as Playa Hermosa meaning "beautiful beach" in Spanish. Play Hermosa  is considered one of the ten most beautiful beaches in the world.  The local beach towns are Mal Pais and Santa Teresa! 

We continue asking and receiving guidance to create a uniquely enriching experience for our participants, so far our retreat includes: yoga, organic meals, relaxation, excursions into the countryside and an abundance of creative activities to rejuvenate and awaken your mind, body and spirit.  You will have a workbook to use during the retreat and take home. 

Our Awakening Your Senses Retreat will be held April 22 through 28, 2012.  You are welcome to arrive April 21 to get comfortably settled before we officially begin on the evening of April 22.  If you are drawn to taking this retreat, breathe deeply into your body and listen to your intuition to see if this is the place for you to be that week in April of 2012.  Quietly allow your soul's truth to rise into your consciousness and throughout your being.  You may notice a deep calm in your belly; an opening in your heart; a clear knowing about going or  perhaps you see yourself on that yoga deck in full immersion.  All of these can be the voice of your innate guidance system communicating "yes"!  When you are divinely guided to do something, you are always also guided on how.   Resources and support will be easily and effortlessly shown to you - you will never be guided to do something that puts you in any jeopardy or furthers debt.  

Conversely, if the Divine guidance is "no", you will feel a calm within yourself about not going.   Even when disappointment may arise, you will feel, know or see the truth of being elsewhere.  So listen to the divine guidance within and trust you will be led into the exact right place - Anamaya or somewhere else!

This retreat is nearly full but Anamaya has just expanded its restort allowing us to invite six more guests!  If you choose to join us, please enjoy a discounted rate of $1750 for the week's stay if you reserve before December 1st.  We also allow for monthly payments to make this as easy as possible for those divinely inspired to participate.  You can register by  clicking here to place a deposit and reserve your space. 

Megan and I will be holding an informational meeting on January 7 with details going out to the participants. There, we will provide details about preparations and travel to and from our destination.  We can answer questions and you'll be able to meet the women with whom you will be sharing this experience.  We are also sending an informational email for those making plans now. 

Intuitive guidance consistently brings me to my knees in gratitude.  I am awed by the people, places and experiences woven into this remarkable life journey thus far.  When I listen to intuition - I am always led to joy.  When I ignore it because of my ego fears - I am always led to suffering.  Its a practice to listen and honor divine guidance consistently - and I am a humble student of this practice. 

Teaching others to access intuitive wisdom through yoga practices; contemplative and mindfulness techniques; breath work and shamanic journeying is a joy beyond words.  You were born intuitive and wise.  By learning to open to your higher self and learning to trust the divine guidance of spirit discern between that and your ego - you can live the greatest adventures in one lifetime!

Namaste, Lori

11/11/2011 Part 1: Channeled Message from The Rays of Orion

YOU are a holy being. You are a creation of the one true source of creation. That is a holy truth that no being can diminish. All beings are creations of the divine. Within that reality, you are the one being who can make a difference within your life and within your world.

How do you do this? By allowing that which is truly you to shine forth without hesitation. To do this you must know who you are. Most of you will not know this by simply thinking. You will want to spend time it the quiet of your essence. The place beyond thoughts. When you do this, the light within you has the opportunity to expand into your consciousness and to move beyond the thoughts that inhibit you from being your true self. When you are in the state of abiding peace, love and joy, you are aligning with your true essence. From this place, you have the power to create a reality far beyond the reaches of the mind. The mind alone cannot conceive of your infinite power. It will confine and limit what which is you and what you are here on earth to create. This infinite power is not grandiose. It is not superior to others or less than others. It is an exquisite expression of the divine moving through your unique form: your mind, body and spirit. As you open to this, you will feel only love for all humanity. You will not be able to feel anything less. That love will permeate into every aspect of your life. That love is divine energy – the consciousness of Source energy.


On earth you are still experiencing linear time though it is collapsing. You will feel this happening more and more – time will move quickly or stand still for those you are present to the energetic shifts occurring on the earth now. You will feel an abiding love for your fellow humans. You will feel waves of profound peace. Where you are in discord from your higher holy selves, you will feel uneasy. Do not fear. Let go and trust that you are being guided into a path of freedom. Releasing all that does not fit your higher selves will take a deep state of surrender that unfolds one breath, one step, one gentle choice at a time.

You are not being led into more suffering by letting go of that which is not true for your higher soul self. As you open to this path, you will feel the bliss arising into your being. Let it saturate your cells and remind you of the heaven in which you are living as a soul. Allowing this light to pour into your everyday will ease the choices you are making. Fear nothing. Only love is real.

Today - 11/11/2011 is a day for blessings. Rise into the divine love of your awakened heart chakra. Sit in the stillness of your exquisite soul light and let it permeate every cell of your mind, body, emotions and spirit. Radiate this love fully into your consciousness. As you do this, you will feel the truth of love as YOU. Then, radiate this love into all life on earth. Envision this energy permeating the globe. Send your love into the animal kingdom. Send your love into the mineral kingdom. Send your waves of love in to all nature and the earth itself. Send her your love. Fill the earth with your light. Radiate your love into all humanity; enfold the globe with your love. Send your love into the skies, the ethereal realms and all that is living beyond linear time. Send your love into the universe. Send your love to your helping spirits. Your angels and guides and beloved ones who now live in spirit. Radiate your love without hesitation.


Send your love into your future. Into your descendants. To all of your ancestors. Send your love to your past selves. To all things you have done from nobility and all things you have done through fear. Send your love to your future selves. Send your love without hesitation.


As you bask in the divine truth of your love and this infinite love that is ever present, know this is your true state of being. Feel into this bliss. Know it. Sense it. Notice its presence within everything that is truly you. You are love; love is you.


As you do this, radiate your love into your day. See this love flowing from you without limits today. See your love greeting you, embracing you and uplifting you through the day. See this love enfolding everyone you encounter. Let love be the one true focus of your day today.


11:11:2011 (aka11:11:11:11) is a gateway. It is a portal through which you can move elegantly by choosing to align with love. LOVE is the invitation, the destination and the exquisite partner guiding you through this passage. Open your heart, feel the love within your being, let yourself adjust to this truth and today, walk in the spirit of love wherever you go. Bless the world with your phenomenal light. You were born for a divine mission. YOU are here to radiate your love light into this world without fear or limits. You are here to express this love through the passions and talents of your heart. Listen, allow and be that which is pure truth – LOVE.

May your days be an exquisite adventure in the realization and expression of LOVE

Law of AttractionHo'oponopono

Transcending the Disease to Please

Do you have the disease to please? Most of us were not raised with the healthiest of boundaries. A boundary is the energetic limit that nurtures your mind, body and spirit and keeps others from imposing behaviors that exploit or undermine your power.

When you give until it hurts you set the tone for how others will treat you while reinforcing your lowered sense of worth. Having weak boundaries can mean you find it hard to stand up for yourself but feel ever so willing to do so for others. You may agree to do things that you just do not want to do.  Perhaps you tolerate rude or sarcastic comments directed at you. Or maybe you allow others to get their way and push through your boundaries because you dislike conflict. And if you have the people pleasing pattern, you probably take other’s comments and even life itself, personally. Setting healthy boundaries allows you to develop a healthier sense of self; deepen your relationships with others and live in balance.


Establishing healthy boundaries begins with self-awareness. Your intuition is constantly communicating what is and is not true for you. When your solar plexus or gut tightens, your intuition is signaling to you that something is off. Any energy loss within your being reveals boundaries are not being honored and that its time to set a healthy limit. When you feel energized, inspired, calm in your stomach, throat and heart – your intuition is communicating that you are in alignment with your true self and that your healthy needs are being honored.

You have the right to personal space, respect, personal power and to honor what is true for you even when it disappoints others. You do not have to give into others requests to make them or you feel more comfortable. And you are not responsible for making anyone feel good at your own expense.

Discover your needs and limits.

• Identify what you will not tolerate. Make a list and take care to honor each one. Some examples might include, “I honor myself when I do not tolerate…”


o Comments about my body size, weight
o Criticism, sarcasm or jokes at my expense
o Rageful outbursts toward me
o Invasion of my privacy
o Racist, religious, sexist, off-color jokes and remarks
o Others telling me what I feel or should do
o Minimization of my emotions, intellect, skills or intuition
o Lying or deceptions of any kind
o Denial of addictions, abuse or irresponsible actions
o Blame for how an adult feels
o Violence; Rageful outbursts directed at me or others in my presence


• Identify what you most need to feel safe, respected and honored.


o My needs and wants are respected, even when my partner or others cannot meet them
o Anger or disappointments are discussed calmly, with each person accepting responsibility for his/her emotional experience, perceptions and needs
o Compassion, kindness, empathy and understanding for one another’s perceptions are present when stating emotional concerns or insights; needs and wants
o I tell the truth and am told the truth
o I accept full responsibility for honoring my needs and wants


• Know your rights and honor them. Make a list of what you have the right to give to yourself and ask for from others. Some examples of what you have the right to ask for and to give to yourself:


o No talking during a massage
o Quiet personal time in your own home
o Help with responsibilities for your house
o More information and/or time before making a decision
o To say no without explanation
o To do what you need even when it disappoints someone else
o To have no alcohol, smoking or drugs in your home
o To not give in to threats or the demands of others
o To allow others to be responsible for how they feel, and responsibly give themselves what they want and need.
o To eat only the foods and beverages that are appropriate for your health


• Honor your time and energy. Make a list of how you respect your time and energy and stick to it. Examples may include:


o Not answering your phone unless you want to do so
o Turning off your ringer
o Return phone calls and email messages at your own pace
o Change your mind
o Cancel appointments when you need to tend to your wellness
o Create a sanctuary for silence or personal space within your home
o Sleep the amount of hours that truly serves your heath
o Take all the time you need to grieve and heal from loss or trauma
o Not attend family functions where boundaries are not respected
o Not join into gossip and other conversations that drain your energy
o Refrain from listening to or watching programs that reinforce suffering and drain energy.


• Know who you are. People's actions reflect their inner life though they often blame others for how they feel and behave. When you find yourself personalizing someone’s comments ask yourself the following:


o Is any of this true about me? Be willing to check this out honestly. If there is truth in the comment, ask yourself what you need to do in response. You do have the power to see yourself without judgments and grow. If the comments are not true, let them go.


o How much of this is about the other person? Be willing to check this honestly too. You can compassionately observe that the comments are projections, reflecting the individual’s unconscious suffering. You do not have to take responsibility for their suffering but you can act from compassion and healthy boundaries. Sometimes the best support you can offer is to disengage from unhealthy and disrespectful requests and actions.


o Do I need to take action to honor my personal power here? Sometimes you need to say stop or walk away if an individual isn’t being reasonable or respectful. Sometimes you need to refrain from all interaction when an individual is threatening or not taking any responsibility for his/her part in the problem. But most of the time, you can establish healthy boundaries through compassionate dialog and willingness to know yourself and other without judgment. Imago dialog is one of the most powerful tools for promoting healthy boundaries, nurturing growth and intimacy between caring adults.

Prepare yourself: Setting boundaries will feel foreign if they were not honored when you were growing up and are still being violated now. When you are asking for boundaries to be respected, do so with a compassionate or neutral tone. With practice, honoring your boundaries will feel natural. Every time you say “yes” and “no” to what is true for you allows your authentic energy to expand.

Strategies for Setting Boundaries


1. Establish support. Before having a boundary setting conversation, speak to a supportive friend and practice what you will say. After the conversation speak with a friend to process how it went and tend to any residual feelings.


2. Do not establish boundaries while angry. Process your strong emotions with individuals who will not personalize or judge your emotions. Wait until you are calm and feeling neutral to discuss and establish clear boundaries.


3. Ask for you what you need without attaching to the outcome. Ask for what you need and want in a clear, calm and compassionate manner. Do not expect others to do what you ask. Boundaries are not demands. You are responsible for meeting your boundary needs as an adult so ask and understand that your partner or the other person may choose not to meet your requests. This gives you the freedom to do what you need to honor your limits respectfully by taking action or letting go of the request.


4. Take full responsibility for what you need and do not make demands of others. Use clear, simple and direct language. Examples include:


• If you continue to yell at me, I will leave or hang up.


• When you need to discuss business or set appointments, call me during business hours and expect return phone calls during business hours only.


• I value my job but I am unable to give extra time at work in order to honor my family time and remain in healthy balance.


• I hear that you are angry with me; can you tell me more about that in a calm and clear manner?

• This is my fee for the services I provide. I do not lower my rate, just as you do not lower your salary.   


• I ask that you stop commenting on my body size and/or weight.


• Thank you for asking me to participate; I need some time before I can respond about my ability to join in.


• I thought this would be a good fit for me at the onset; but I now find it no longer feels right to me. I will find a replacement accordingly.


• I will not be lending you money anymore. You now need to take responsibility for your financial life; so please do not ask for money from me again.


• It is hard to say no to you because I do not want to disappoint you; and the answer is still no.


5. Do not defend, debate, over-explain or rationalize your boundaries. Be direct, gracious and firm as you speak. When the other party is resisting your boundary, restate your request.

• Individuals who do not have healthy boundaries will not respect yours easily. They may try to get your to compromise your limits, cut you off from conversation and relationship or demand that you change while assuming no responsibility for their actions. They will usually perceive their needs or boundaries as more important than your own; and point out the error of your actions or limits. Threats of rejection or intimidation regarding your requests are meant to control you and bring you back into dysfunctional dynamic.

6. Enforce your boundaries. You must back up your boundary needs with consistent action. Each time you acquiesce to the demands of those who do not respect your boundaries, you give up your power. Practice building up your boundaries one healthy choice at a time. 


7. Do not let guilt be your guide. Guilt is often the foundation for people pleaser's decisions. Guilt is internalized anger that was not safe to be expressed in early life. You will likely feel guilty about making strong decisions that reflect healthy self–worth and contradict expectations placed upon you throughout your development. The guilt will rise up, so greet it with your compassion and remember it is an expected sensation telling you that you’re breaking free from dysfunctional patterns.


8. Surround yourself with healthy support. Choose to associate with individuals who are able to calmly and easily discuss differences; establish healthy boundaries and do not personalize when you need to make a decision that differs from what they need or want.


Practice setting healthy limits; honor your needs and wants and listen to your intuition consistently. You have the right and the power to create nurturing dynamics that revere your personal boundaries and uplift, inspire and empower you!